Archive 9507: digest 51

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>From VPT@aol.com Sat Jul 1 23:45:07 1995
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Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 51

Dan,
Depending on specific software and hardware requirements we may be able to
help.
Please contact my Manager of EDP Services, Mr. Terry McKillip at 317-453-0496
on Tuesday after 7:00 AM EDT.

Meedco, Incorporated
Vic P. Thacker, President
>From malmlund@dsv.su.se Mon Jul 3 05:13:30 1995
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To: BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: malmlund@dsv.su.se (Jonas Malmlund)

Sirs!

Presently I'm writing my master's thesis at the Department of Computer and
Systems Sciences, Stockholm University, Sweden. Now I need help from real
experts and I think I have found the right forum.

I'm comparing two different methods (not tools) for business modeling, the
IDEF0 method, a classical technique for activity and relationship modeling,
and the Action Workflow System (the Analyst) a technique for modeling
agreements, roles and responsibilities. I would like following information:

1) What kind of information/knowledge about the organisation that is under
focus do each method provide (what can You model with each method)?
2) Are there any similarities between the two methods?
3) What are the major differences?
4) What are the advantages/disadvantages of each method?

In addition I would like information about the IDEF3 and if there's any
shareware/freeware tool for IDEF0 modeling available somewhere.

So, if You consider yourself an expert on one, or both of the methods,
please send me as much information as You can on the following email-address:

malmlund@dsv.su.se

Regards Jonas Malmlund

>From brighter@sarcom.com Mon Jul 3 09:34:38 1995
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Dan,

SARCOM has a world class Educational Services operation. Please send RFP to:

Ms. Cyndi Stayrook
Educational Services Manager
Sarcom
600-B Lakeview Plaza Blvd.
Worthington, Ohio 43085
(614) 431-2228
431-1215 (fax)


bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Wrote:
|
| BPRREENG-L Digest 51
|
| Topics covered in this issue include:
|
| 1) Question - Training RFP - OSU
| by DAN ALLEN <DALLEN@smtpgw.arms.ohio-state.edu>
|
| ----------------------------------------------------------
| ------------
|
| Date: Fri, 30 Jun 1995 15:37:00 -0700 (PDT)
| From: DAN ALLEN <DALLEN@smtpgw.arms.ohio-state.edu>
| To: "'BPRREENG-L Send'"
| <BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>
| Subject: Question - Training RFP - OSU
| Message-ID: <2FF47C84@smtpgw.arms.ohio-state.edu>
|
|
| As part of our reengineering project, we are looking at
| having to train
| approximately 5,600 OSU personnel on new technology
| (client server), and new
| processes and procedures for our upcoming Accounting and
| Human Resource
| Systems.
|
| Later this year, I intend on sending a request for
| proposal for the training
| development, computer based training development, and etc.
|
| Does anyone have any names of vendors that I should be
| sending the RFP to?
|
| Dan Allen
| Allen.31@osu.edu
|
| ------------------------------
|
| End of BPRREENG-L Digest 51
| ***************************
|
>From DALLEN@smtpgw.arms.ohio-state.edu Mon Jul 3 12:02:52 1995
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Date: Mon, 03 Jul 1995 12:02:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: DAN ALLEN <DALLEN@smtpgw.arms.ohio-state.edu>
Subject: Survey Results - Ohio State University
To: "'BPRREENG-L Send'" <BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>
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The following are the compiled results of the BPR
survey that I posted to this listserve several months
ago.

I would like to thank all of you that participated and
I hope that I have presented your projects
appropriately. I apologize, but I did not include in
the below results a number of surveys that were
returned from consultants or from
colleges/universities that were interested in
reengineering, but had not yet begun to identify their
processes to be reengineered. I am sure that this is
just a beginning list of colleges and
universities undergoing the reengineering processes --
and I am sure that even within a number of the
organizations that there are reengineering efforts
that are outside of the scope of those presented.

I intentionally did not present the results in any specific order.

Again, thank you for your help -- and I hope that this
information provides you with a beginning point to
make contacts and obtain additional expertise and information.

Dan Allen
Ohio State University
Allen.31@osu.edu

------------------------------------------------------
SURVEY RESULTS
------------------------------------------------------

1. What Colleges/Universities have completed
reengineering projects in the past several years?

a. Accounting and Budget Process:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil
3. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
4. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at

b. Human Resources:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu

c. Procurement:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil
3. University of Iowa - from Pat Kenner -
pat-kenner@uiowa.edu
4. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

d. Student Admissions:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil
3. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

e. Student Loans & Financial Aid:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

f. Student Registrations:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil
3. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

g. Traffic & Parking:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

h. Residence & Dining Halls:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu

i. Patient Care:

j. Information Technology:
1. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
2. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at

k. Others:

-----------------------------------------------------
2. What Colleges/Universities are CURRENTLY in the
process of reengineering the following?

a. Accounting and Budget Process:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
3. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu
4. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu

b. Human Resources:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
3. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
4. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at
5. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu

c. Procurement:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. University of Iowa - from Pat Kenner -
pat-kenner@uiowa.edu
3. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
4. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu
5. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu
6. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu

d. Student Admissions:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
3. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
4. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu

e. Student Loans & Financial Aid:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
3. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu

f. Student Registrations:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
3. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
4. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu
5. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu
6. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu

g. Traffic & Parking:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca

h. Residence & Dining Halls:
1. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca
2. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

i. Patient Care:
1. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu

j. Information Technology:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
3. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu
4. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu
5. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at

k. Others:
1. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
- end-to-end student record process, which
impinges almost all areas of the
university, including recruiting,
admissions, registration, advising, grade
posting, transcripts, student affairs,
student activities, career placement,
alumni services, development.
2. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca - Executive
Information
3. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu -
Communications (Voice & Data) Work Order
Process, Media Resources Work Order
Process, and Physical Plant Work Order
Process
4. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu - Departmental
Responsibility Center Management

l: Outside consultants being used to assist:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu - AMS
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
- Private independent consultant
3. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil - IBES, Inc. and
CALIBRE Systems, Inc.
4. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu - None -
Received prior training from DEC
consultants
5. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu - Coopers &
Lybrand (for part)
6. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu - Gemini and
Gerber (now CSI) -
7. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu -
James Martin & Company
8. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu - Andersen Consulting

m. Completed Needs Assessment:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
- 90% complete
3. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil
4. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu
5. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
6. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu
7. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu
8. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu
9. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at
10. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu

n. Hardware/Software selected:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu - In-house
Developed using NATURAL, on existing
hardware
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
- Datatel Colleague system already in
place. Final solutions must integrate
with existing mixed hardware platforms,
including Macs, Suns, Pcs -
3. University of Iowa - from Pat Kenner -
pat-kenner@uiowa.edu - Millennium Software
for procurement and general ledger
4. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu -
Alpha 2100 server to be programmed in
Visual Basic; using Pathworks network
operating system for Media Services Work
Order Process
5. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu - IBM RS/6000 C10,
Datatel Administrative Software

o. Developed a Change Integration Plan:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu
2. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil
3. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
4. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu
5. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu
6. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at
7. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu - (In Draft)

p. Developed an Education & Training Plan:
1. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
2. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at
3. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu - (In Draft)

q. Developed a Communication Plan:
1. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
2. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu
3. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at
4. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu - (In Draft)

r. Approximate number of personnel likely to be
impacted by the change:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu - 500
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
- No numbers provided (however, expect to
impact entire faculty, staff, and student
body)
3. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca - No numbers
provided (however, expect to impact entire
faculty, staff, and student body) -
4. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu - 2,500
faculty and staff - (virtually everyone on
campus- )
5. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu - 28
personnel for the procurement process -
6. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu - No numbers
provided (however, expect to impact entire
campus)
7. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu - 300 or more
8. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu - 100
to 200
6. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu - 148
7. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at - 500
8. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu - 5,600 faculty and staff

s. Anticipated implementation date:
1. University of Arkansas, Fayetteville
Campus - from Earlene Baker -
earleneb@comp.uark.edu - July, 1999
2. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University -
from Nancy Sliwa - siliwan@cts.db.erau.edu
- December, 1995 -
3. US Military Academy, US Naval Academy, and
US Air Force Academy - from Ms. Sandy
Rogers, Dept. of Defense -
Rogerss@cc.ims.disa.mil - Continuous
4. Goeteborg University - from Don Watson -
dwatson@flash.lakeheadu.ca - Two to three
years (however continuous improvements)
5. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu - Media
Resources (Early 1996), Communications
(Mid to Late 1996), Physical Plant (Mid to
Late 1996), Acquisitions (Late 1997 to
Early 1998)
6. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu - February
1996
7. Florida State University, FAMU/FSU C.O.E.
- from Russell E. Willis -
willis@garnet.acns.fsu.edu - Within one
year
8. UCLA - from Ann M. Powley -
ekmmamp@mvs.oac.ucla.edu - Partial
Implementation by December 1995
9. Southern Methodist University - from
Roland Webb - rwebb@sum.cis.smu.edu - 1997
10. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu - June 1996
11. Wiener Krankenanstaltenverbund - from Dr.
Werner. J. Klaering -
klwgadvge.magwien.gv.at - 1995
12. Ohio State University - from Dan Allen -
Allen.31@osu.edu - January 1998

-----------------------------------------------------
3. What Colleges/Universities are currently PLANNING
a new reengineering project?

a. Accounting and Budget Process:
1. Carnegie Mellon University - from Linda
Schmidt - ls2v@andrew.cmu.edu

b. Human Resources:

c. Procurement:
1. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu

d. Student Admissions:
1. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu

e. Student Loans & Financial Aid:
1. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu

f. Student Registrations:
1. University of California, Riverside - from
Greg Artman - vcaga@pop.ucr.edu

g. Traffic & Parking:

h. Residence & Dining Halls:

i. Information Technology:
1. University of Iowa - from Pat Kenner -
pat-kenner@uiowa.edu
2. Dallas Baptist University - from M. Shane
Putman - shane@dbu.edu

j. Others:

(The Ohio State University and I accept no liability for the information
presented above. The survey results represents a compilation of information
obtained from the indicated sources.)
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BPR-L <BPR-L@duticai.twi.tudelft.nl>
Cc: malmlund <malmlund@dsv.su.se>
From: "Grant B. Harris" <Grant_B._Harris@workframe.com>
Date: 6 Jul 95 21:05:23 EDT
Subject: Re: IDEF0 vs Action Workflow System
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Jonas --

I am glad to see that you are looking at the underlying methods used for
business process modeling. Different models illuminate different aspects of a
process. I highly recommend the following paper in which Rudy Hirschheim
contrasts seven office process models:

Hirschheim, R., Perspectives and Views of the Office: Alternative Approaches to
Understanding the Office, Office Systems, A. Verrijn-Stuart & R. Hirschheim
(Eds), Elsevier (North-Holland), 1986.

In response to your questions, I will attempt to compare the IDEF and
ActionWorkflow models, emphasizing the ActionWorkflow approach. (I think Wally
Hudsons reply does a nice job of highlighting some of IDEFs strengths.)
Consider me biased, as my firm resells the software and provides process
analysis and design services using this approach.

IDEF, and several other related process models, primarily model tasks (or
activities) and decisions. The underlying modeling elements are
input-process-output (IPO) elements. This is an excellent way to model
information and material flows and transformations.

In contrast, the ActionWorkflow (AW) (sometimes called language-action)
approach models conversations between people (or agents) in the process. Using
this approach, the the demands of the final customer drive a demand-pull
sequence of relationships, where the goal of the each stage is to satisfy the
requirements of the subsequent stage (Grant, Shani and Krishnan, Sloan Mgt Rev,
1994). By explicitly identifying and mapping the chain of customers in the
process, defining what is takes to get them satisfied, and assuring that all
the appropriate communication steps occur, the AW approach focuses on the human
issues - the definition of roles and accountabilities.

This of course doesnt mean that the need to do (and model) the tasks goes
away. In our experience using the AW approach to clarify and define who plays
what role and who is accountable for what provides a framework within which the
process of defining the tasks can then take place.

I sometimes think of the IPO and AW models are orthogonal, and certainly they
are complementary. One of the advantages of starting with the AW approach is
that data/information and material flows are largely de-coupled from the
meta-process that the ActionWorkflow map reveals. This helps people to focus
on how to they coordinate in order to achieve results without getting
distracted by the details.

Here are a few references you might find helpful:

Winograd, Terry, A Language/Action Perspective on the Design of Cooperative
Work, Hum. Comput. Interaction, 3, 1, (1987-88) 3-30.

Scherr, Alan L., A New Approach to Business Processes, IBM Systems Journal, Vol
32, No 1, 1993.

Medina-Mora, Raul, Terry Winograd, Rodrigo Flores, Fernando Flores, The
ActionWorkflow Approach to Workflow Management Technology, Proceedings of the
ACM Conference on Computer-Supported Cooperative Work, Nov,1992.

You can find information on the ActionWorkflow systems on Action Technologies
web server at: http://www.actiontech.com/.

There are some interesting workflow papers including Wiebe Geertsmas 'The
Formalization of the Action Workflow Approach' at University of Twente web
server:
http://wwwis.cs.utwente.nl:8080/~joosten/workflow.html#Online.

I have done extensive research into the ActionWorkflow approach and have used
the analysis and mapping methodology with several clients. I would be happy to
have a continuing dialogue with you (and others) on this topic.

-- Grant B. Harris
Workframe, Inc.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
gbh@workframe.com
>From kai@adb.gu.se Fri Jul 7 10:53:38 1995
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Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 16:53:45 +0200
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: kai@adb.gu.se (KAI ARTUR SIMON)
Subject: Re: Action Workflow

In addition to Grant B. Harris <Grant_B._Harris@workframe.com> response to
Jonas Malmlunds request regarding methods for BP-modeling.

Jonas,

If you want to dig deep into the ActionWorkflow approach, you should
consider reading the following: 'Understanding Computers and Cognition: A
New Foundation for Design', by Terry Winograd and Fernando Flores, Ablex
Publishing, 1986

The first system for collaborative work, 'The Coordinator', was designed
upon the theories and assumption described in the above publication.

Regards,

Kai

-----------------NEW ADDRESS --------------------
Goeteborg University Phone: +46-(0)31-773 27 68
Dept. of Informatics Mobile:+46-(0)70-719 55 03
Foereningsgatan 20 Fax: +46-(0)31-773 47 54
Box 3147 email: kai@adb.gu.se
S - 400 10 Goeteborg http://www.adb.gu.se/~kai
-------------------------------------------------

>From dwatson@FLASH.LakeheadU.CA Wed Jul 12 09:34:17 1995
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Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 09:29:14 -0400 (EDT)
From: Don Watson - Comp Serv <dwatson@FLASH.LakeheadU.CA>
Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 26
In-reply-to: <199506011640.MAA08696@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>
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> Date: Wed, 31 May 1995 20:13:57 -0400
> From: <VPT@aol.com>
> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
> Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 25
> Message-ID: <950531201356_18659888@aol.com>
>
> Education will never get into "re-engineering" with current tenure customs.
> It is like asking Christ to reconsider his religous choices..
>
> ------------------------------

I have just returned from vacation to catch up with my mail.

The reason that the above assessment is totally wrong is that
times have changed. Governments no longer have the money or public support
to continue as is. Technology may be the eneabler of re-engineering, but
it is global competition that is the driver. Things are moving quickly today.

Don Watson.

>
> End of BPRREENG-L Digest 26
> ***************************

>From larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Wed Jul 12 13:46:11 1995
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Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 12:46:36 -0500
From: larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu (Larry Dodge)
Subject: Silly Quotes Summary
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, change@mindspring.com,
HRD-L@MIZZOU1.MISSOURI.EDU, management-research@mailbase.ac.uk,
QUALITY@PUCC.PRINCETON.EDU, TQM-L@UKANVM.CC.UKANS.EDU,
TRDEV-L@PSUVM.PSU.EDU
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A while back I requested silly quotes from several newsgroups. I have now
compiled the quotes I received and have sent a summary to those who
requested one.

I had indicated that I would post a summary to the newsgroups but decorum
prohibits me from doing so, since some people may find offense at a few of
the quotes.

However, if you would like a copy of the summary let me know and I will try
to send one to you (provided I don't get thousands of requests). Please
indicate if you would like it sent in the form of an attachment or as a
very, very, very long email.

I appologize if this is off the topic of a paticular newsgroup, but since I
originally posted to these newsgroups and offered a summary, I feel it is
my duty to follow up.

Cheers!
Larry

____________________________________________________________________________
Larry Dodge, Trainer | W(816)737-7571
Utilicorp United Inc. | FAX(816)737-7627
10700 E. 350 Hwy. |
Kansas City, MO 64138 | e-mail: larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu
____________________________________________________________________________

>From CHANV@VAX2.CONCORDIA.CA Wed Jul 12 14:12:15 1995
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Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 14:11:09 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: Silly Quotes Summary
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
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Hi Larry,

Please send the summary of silly quotes in the form of e-mail.
Thank you for your effort and it is appreciated.

Someone with an economics background has build a home page with
funny quotes, unfortunately I have lost the address. Have
you ever thought of building the list with a home page?

Regards,
Venus Chan
chanv@vax2.concordia.ca
>From EKMMAMP@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU Thu Jul 13 11:20:26 1995
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To: bprreeng-l@LISTS.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: "Ann M. Powley" <EKMMAMP@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU>
Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 58

------------------------------TEXT-OF-YOUR-MAIL--------------------------------

> Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 09:45:29 -0400
> Reply-To: bprreeng-l@LISTS.ACS.OHIO-STATE.EDU
> Sender: bprreeng-l@LISTS.ACS.OHIO-STATE.EDU
> From: bprreeng-l@LISTS.ACS.OHIO-STATE.EDU
> To: Multiple recipients of list <bprreeng-l@LISTS.ACS.OHIO-STATE.EDU>
> Subject: BPRREENG-L digest 58
>
> BPRREENG-L Digest 58
>
> Topics covered in this issue include:
>
> 1) Silly Quotes Summary
> by larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu (Larry Dodge)
> 2) Re: Silly Quotes Summary
> by <CHANV@VAX2.CONCORDIA.CA>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 12:46:36 -0500
> From: larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu (Larry Dodge)
> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, change@mindspring.com,
> Subject: Silly Quotes Summary
> Message-ID: <v01520d02ac1978a4bb4b@[129.237.179.242]>
>
> A while back I requested silly quotes from several newsgroups. I have now
> compiled the quotes I received and have sent a summary to those who
> requested one.
>
> I had indicated that I would post a summary to the newsgroups but decorum
> prohibits me from doing so, since some people may find offense at a few of
> the quotes.
>
> However, if you would like a copy of the summary let me know and I will try
> to send one to you (provided I don't get thousands of requests). Please
> indicate if you would like it sent in the form of an attachment or as a
> very, very, very long email.
>
> I appologize if this is off the topic of a paticular newsgroup, but since I
> originally posted to these newsgroups and offered a summary, I feel it is
> my duty to follow up.
>
> Cheers!
> Larry
>
> ____________________________________________________________________________
> Larry Dodge, Trainer | W(816)737-7571
> Utilicorp United Inc. | FAX(816)737-7627
> 10700 E. 350 Hwy. |
> Kansas City, MO 64138 | e-mail: larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu
> ____________________________________________________________________________
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Wed, 12 Jul 1995 14:11:09 -0400 (EDT)
> From: <CHANV@VAX2.CONCORDIA.CA>
> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
> Subject: Re: Silly Quotes Summary
> Message-ID: <01HSSA7ZY1BMHXKLVT@VAX2.CONCORDIA.CA>
>
> Hi Larry,
>
> Please send the summary of silly quotes in the form of e-mail.
> Thank you for your effort and it is appreciated.
>
> Someone with an economics background has build a home page with
> funny quotes, unfortunately I have lost the address. Have
> you ever thought of building the list with a home page?
>
> Regards,
> Venus Chan
> chanv@vax2.concordia.ca
>
> ------------------------------
>
> End of BPRREENG-L Digest 58
> ***************************
>From Bob_Walker@smtplink.medcom.amedd.army.mil Fri Jul 14 09:04:44 1995
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by host.hcssa.e-mail.amedd.army.mil id aa17056; 14 Jul 95 7:48 CDT
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id AA805733500; Fri, 14 Jul 95 07:49:06 CST
Date: Fri, 14 Jul 95 07:49:06 CST
Encoding: 12 Text
Message-Id: <9506148057.AA805733500@smtplink.medcom.amedd.army.mil>
To: BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, HIM-L@fiona.umsmed.edu
Subject: BPR Prayer

This little prayer was provided by a friend.

- Lord help me to change those things that I can not except and do not
make since.

- Lord help me to except those changes for the better that are made by
others and those things that I can not or should not change.

- Lord help me to hide the bodies of those I kill for not excepting
the changes I have made.

ROBERT G. WALKER, CSI-IIE

>From larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Fri Jul 14 10:39:36 1995
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Date: Fri, 14 Jul 1995 09:39:38 -0500
Subject: Silly Quotes-Overwhelmed (Post 1 of 3)
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, change@mindspring.com,
management-research@mailbase.ac.uk, QUALITY@PUCC.PRINCETON.EDU,
TQM-L@UKANVM.CC.UKANS.EDU, TRDEV-L@PSUVM.PSU.EDU,
HRD-L@MIZZOU1.MISSOURI.EDU
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Dear People,

I have been overwhelmed by the request for copies of the Silly Quotes
Summary (over 600 requests to date), so I have decided to simply post the
summary in a 3-part email.

******************* WARNING *******************

The summary is uncut and unsensored! There may be some words or quotes
that an individual may find vulgar or sexist. If you feel you may be one
of these people, DELETE NOW! DON'T SET YOURSELF UP TO BE OFFENDED.
PRACTICE SAFE E-MAIL. USE THE V-CHIP. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED IF YOU INSIST
ON READING THE SUMMARY.

I apologise in advance for clogging up the mailers of those uninterested
parties. Feel free to flame me at the above address. I hope the summary
will provide some Friday chuckles for those who requested it. If you are a
glutton for punishment and this summary is not enough, check out the web
site:

http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor__Jokes__and_Fun/

at the very bottom of this site is a link called: Index - Humorous
Quotations, here you will find about 50 pages worth of humorous quotes.

And now...for the moment you've all been waiting for (or at least many of you)

THE SILLY QUOTES SUMMARY
Part 1 of 3

He/she was on me like a duck on a junebug He/She couldn't hit a bull in the
ass with a shotgun Does a bear shit in the woods? {as a rhetorical response
to an obviously true rhetorical question}

If a ram is called a lamb, and
a Mule is called an ass,
then why is a ram in the ass a goose?

Lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut.

Never squat with your spurs on.

(After hitting a long ball on the golf course) Wow! I don't go that far on
vacation.

Lower than whale poop.

As useless as a solar powered pacemaker.

It was so cold out that there were dogs frozen to trees.

I'm looking forward to seeing your entire collection.

All I can say is you're very sincere, because who would act as an arshole?

As much use as a handbrake in a canoe

I can tell you are lying - your lips are moving

What is the difference between an attrative woman and a proctologist?
- a proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time

You're acting like a nappy - always on my ass and full of shit

Dumb? - he thinks the English Channel is on cable TV!

What's he like? - how can I explain him? - his dog dislikes him.

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve? - stand back - I don't know how
big this thing gets!

Stupid? He wanted to be a farmer - so he studied pharmacy

He talks with this mouth full and his head empty.

Humans are the best value in computers -- where else can you get a
non-linear computer weighing only about 160lbs, having a billion binary
decision elements, that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour?

If you are keeping your head while others around you are losing theirs,
perhaps you've misunderstood the whole situation.

"Ever since I was a kid, I've always been a real deep thinker and stuff"
Billy Ray Cyrus

Any significant boost in technology could just as easily be a rigged demo.

"They said Galileo was a fool. They said Einstein was a fool. They said the
Wright Brothers were fools. What you've got to remember, however, is that
they also said that about a lot of fools."

"A fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
Winston Churchill

As Einstein himself said, "". Well, he's dead, sure. But if he were alive,
that would translate to "I'm right, shut up."
Wubba

The Laws of Thermodynamics, Paraphrased

1. You can not get anything without working for it. 2. The best you can
ever hope for through working is breaking even. 3. You can only break even
at absolute zero.

"There are two kinds of fool. One says, 'This is old, and therefore good.'
And one says, 'This is new, and therefore better.'"
Dean Inge

"Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it..."

"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting
than the question of whether a submarine can swim"
Edsgar W. Dijkstra

All I want from Life is to get out alive...

"...reality was once a primitive method of crowd control that got out of hand"
Jane Wagner

The greatest sign of intelligent life in the universe is the fact that they
have not yet tried to contact us.

MILLIHELEN: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.

"Old MacDonald had a farm, e i e i o e"
Quayle singing "Old MacDonald"

Deep Thoughts
By Jack Handey

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several
of us died of tuberculosis.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself:
"Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and
"ind".
What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just
go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and
we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when
some body comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and
bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth.
But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up
to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to
say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming
and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a
coward.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is
the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever
press charges.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and
the dancers hit each other.

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a
solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking
surface attached to the end of a long stick.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free.
To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing
up, is not what I call hospitality.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where
this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a
clown killed my dad.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted
brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look
like a deer.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We
might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out
when you're coming home his face might burn up.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people
happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself
down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person
comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A
jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that
says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right
back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the
students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll
look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you
can really see it in those genitals.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and
the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that
thing.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a
woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated.
Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people
laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others,
"I'll be
waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I
remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive
and
drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The
smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played.
I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not,
and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God
is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is
"Probably because of something you did."

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not
the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's
back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it
should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her
suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke
-
just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my
little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out
warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried,
but I
think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive
over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked
dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's
Hambone.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her
dinner tasted like.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't
be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in
town.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we
could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought
back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named
him Flint.

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct
is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then
it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all
watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all
go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't
until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Do witches run spell checkers?

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Dain bramaged.

Department of Redundancy Department

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

1 + 1 = 3 for sufficient quantities of 1. Computers make very fast, very
accurate mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.

.. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

All computers wait at the same speed.

DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Hit any user to continue.

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

'tis an ill wind that blows no minds.

There is no tyranny in the state of confusion.

No girdle ever cured a pregnancy

Freedom defined is freedom denied.

Paradise is just like where you are right now, only much better. LAURIE
ANDERSON ("Language is a virus")

Egotism is the drug that soothes the pain of stupidity.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
LUCINDA CHILDS (PHILIP GLASS: EINSTEIN ON THE BEACH)

Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. HASSAN I SABBAH

Dont let your mouth write no check that your tail cant cash. BO DIDDLEY

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite
of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. NIELS BOHR

Just because everything is different doesnt mean anything has changed.
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE

The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind
to correlate all its contents.
H P LOVECRAFT

The most merciless thing in the world ... is the inability of the human
mind to correlate all its contents.
H P LOVECRAFT

When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one Ive never
tried before.
MAE WEST

Her life was saved by rock and roll.
LOU REED

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
J EDGAR HOOVER

Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeprody I would never had
lit one.
MAXIM OF THE HELLS ANGELS

It is a rather pleasent experience to be alone in a bank at night. WILLIE SUTTON

The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs. KARL MARX
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ...
it would have been much better.
KARL MARX'S MOTHER

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
shopping center in the world?
RICHARD M NIXON

When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on
Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality. AL CAPONE

Anything anybody can say about America is true. EMMETT GROGAN

If youve seen one city slum, youve seen them all. SPIRO AGNEW

If youve seen one redwood, youve seen them all. RONALD REAGAN

Use it up ... Wear it out.
Make it do ... Or do without.
US WORLD WAR II MESSAGE

You cant underestimate the power of fear. TRICIA NIXON

The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
WAVY GRAVY

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. BUCKMINSTER FULLER

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. DWIGHT D
EISENHOWER

You smash it - and Ill build around it.
JOHN LENNON

College isnt the place to go for ideas.
HELLEN KELLER

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
ARTHUR C CLARKE

America, how can a write a holy litany in your silly mood? ALLEN GINSBERG

It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to
beat somebody.
RICHARD M NIXON

Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
ARTHUR C CLARKE

Justice is incidental to law and order.
J EDGAR HOOVER

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. ABBIE HOFFMAN

Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still dont know what I want to be when I grow up.
PETER DRUCKER

How can you be two places at once when youre not anywhere at all? FIRESIGN
THEATER

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. OSCAR WILDE

We are what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT, JR

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. OSCAR WILDE

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
with our frail and feeble mind.
ALBERT EINSTEIN

Real wealth can only increase.
R BUCKMINSTER FULLER

Anyone can hate. it costs to love.
JOHN WILLIAMSON

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or
becomes true.
JOHN LILLY

Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. GRAFFITI

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
ALBERT EINSTEIN

Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. TALLULAH BANKHEAD

A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms. GEORGE WALD

It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
always thus.
DEAN LATTIMER

Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas. KEN WEAVER

We dont know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasnt a fish. JOHN
CULKIN

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Date: Fri, 14 Jul 1995 09:40:02 -0500
Subject: Silly Quotes-Overwhelmed (Post 2 of 3)
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Dear People,

I have been overwhelmed by the request for copies of the Silly Quotes
Summary (over 600 requests to date), so I have decided to simply post the
summary in a 3-part email.

******************* WARNING *******************

The summary is uncut and unsensored! There may be some words or quotes
that an individual may find vulgar or sexist. If you feel you may be one
of these people, DELETE NOW! DON'T SET YOURSELF UP TO BE OFFENDED.
PRACTICE SAFE E-MAIL. USE THE V-CHIP. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED IF YOU INSIST
ON READING THE SUMMARY.

I apologise in advance for clogging up the mailers of those uninterested
parties. Feel free to flame me at the above address. I hope the summary
will provide some Friday chuckles for those who requested it. If you are a
glutton for punishment and this summary is not enough, check out the web
site:

http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor__Jokes__and_Fun/

at the very bottom of this site is a link called: Index - Humorous
Quotations, here you will find about 50 pages worth of humorous quotes.

And now...for the moment you've all been waiting for (or at least many of you)

THE SILLY QUOTES SUMMARY
Part 2 of 3

I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been
from you.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT

By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely
overwhelm me.
ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without
civilization in between.
OSCAR WILDE

If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
presumably flunk it.
STANLEY GARN

Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
men in national government too.
RICHARD M NIXON

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. DWIGHT D EISENHOWER

If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution
inevitiable.
JOHN F KENNEDY

"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it
were so, it would be; but as it isnt, it aint. Thats logic." LEWIS CARROLL

It takes a long time to understand nothing. EDWARD DAHLBERG

To know the world one must construct it. CESARE PAVESE

Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. BULLWINKLE MOOSE

The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out. TENESSEE WILLIAMS

An object never serves the same function as its image- or its name. RENE
MAGRITTE

All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya
dont go lookin' for rutabagas.
KINGFISH

He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. M C ESCHER

When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
CALVIN COOLIDGE

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. PAUL ERLICH

If A equals success, then the formula is:
A= X + Y + Z
X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. ALBERT EINSTEIN

Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either.
JOSEPH FISCHER

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. J PAUL GETTY

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. GILB'S LAW
OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #1

The only difference between the fool, and the criminal who attacks a system
is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.
GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #3

Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the
inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.
GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #5

The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system are the key
to understanding the type of errors which they cannot handle.
GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #6

Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited. GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY
#7

All real programs contain errors until proven otherwise - which is impossible.
GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #8

Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost
of errors, or somebody insists on getting some useful work done.
GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #9

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters
needs pounding.
ABRAHAM KAPLAN

The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems. ROGER LEVIAN

Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
ordinance under which you can be booked. ROBERT D SPRECHT (RAND CORP)

Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good,
you should run for your life.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance. CONFUCIUS

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
MARK TWAIN

The unnatural, that too is natural.
GOETHE

I used to be indecisive; now Im not sure. GRAFFITI

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didnt like it. SAMUEL GOLDWYN

He hasn't one redeeming vice.
OSCAR WILDE

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. GRAFFITI

Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B', 'A' is
most likely a scoundrel H. L. Mencken -

The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the
Christian Religion
George Washington -

In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson -

Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations
- Thomas Jefferson -

We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately
- Benjamin Franklin -

The Swartzberg Test:
The validity of a science is its ability to predict.

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick
himself up and carry on...
- Winston Churchill -

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,
and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and
Saturday.
- William Bragg -

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest
- Thoreau -

Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll
believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have
to touch it to be sure.

Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what
no one else has thought.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgi -

Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor.
- Toynbee -

We have met the enemy and he is us
- Walt Kelly (in POGO) -

Ode to Turbulent Flow:
Big whirls have little whirls
Which feed on their velocity,
And little whirls have lesser whirls
And so on, to viscosity.

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them
- Heisenberg -

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all
you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else,
you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. "Where shall I begin, please your
Majesty ?" he asked. "Begin at the beginning,", the King said, very
gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein

How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere
else.
R. Buckminster Fuller

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work.
Gallagher

Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
Robert Heinlein

None of the errors was found.
Compiler message, Micro Data Base Systems

.. if it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a
Fact, proof is necessary.
Samuel Clemens

I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New
England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must
be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn
how, in New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make
weather for countries that require a good article, and will take their
custom elsewhere if they don't get it.
Mark Twain

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it
mushy.
Mark Twain

The confidence of ignorance will always overcome the indecision of knowledge.

Designed with your mind in mind by people who have in mind what you should
have in mind.

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

"We are getting into semantics again. If we use words, there is a very
grave danger they will be misinterpreted."
-- H. R. Haldeman, testifying in his own defense.

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one
dollar, and use it up in two weeks.

Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise
at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty
stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to
these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the
truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but
in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing
is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

How many IBM CPUs does it take to execute a program? Ten. Nine to hold it
down, and one to cut its head off.

Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as
they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a
cynic's eyes to improve his vision.

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an
international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
-- George Bernard Shaw

PARKINSON'S LAW: Work expands to fill the time available
for its completion.

WEILER'S LAW: Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it
himself.

FINAGLE'S LAW: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes
it worse.

RUDIN'S LAW: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative
courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.

UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible.

THE ULTIMATE PRINCIPLE: By definition, when you are investigating the
unknown - you do not know what you will find.

Clarke's Third Law
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology
1) No action is without side-effects.
2) Nothing ever goes away.
3) There is no free lunch.

Harvard Law
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature,
volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it pleases.

Asked what he thought of Western civilization, M. K. Gandhi said, "I think
it would be an excellent idea".

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly
strangled.

"One Galileo in two thousand years is enough." -- Pope Pius XII

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

Observation, and not old age, brings wisdom.

Every heart hath its own ache.

A man gazing at the stars is at the mercy of every puddle on the road.

A truly wise man never plays leap frog with a unicorn

Never jump on a man, unless he is down

Show me a man who stands on his own two feet, and I'll show you a man who
can't get his pants on

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made

He who laughs last, probably didn't get the joke in the first place

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing

Today is the last day of your life so far

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch

Life in a vacuum sucks

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house

Of all the people I know, you're one of them

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth

Eagles soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't

Be different: Conform

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be

Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler

Indecision is the key to flexibility

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Hecklers, can't live with'em,...can't kill'em

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write
faster than anybody who can
write better."
- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve
other problems."
- Rene Descartes, Discours de la Methode

"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda ('Return of the Jedi')

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

"Wit is educated insolence."
- Aristotle (284-322 B.C.)

"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

"A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
- Gore Vidal

"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
- Samuel Palmer

"Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is
trying to be funny."
- Guy Davenport

"I would have made a good Pope."
- Richard M. Nixon

"The mistakes are all waiting to be made."
- chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956) on the game's
opening position

"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that
one's work is
terribly important."
- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation."
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)

"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his
clients to plant vines."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980)

"A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

"Logic is in the eye of the logician."
- Gloria Steinem

"No one can earn a million dollars honestly."
- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

"This book fills a much-needed gap."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

"When ideas fail, words come in very handy."
- Goethe (1749-1832)

"In the end, everything is a gag."
- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."
- Lucille S. Harper

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
- Walt Disney (1901-1966)

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
- Mae West (1892-1980)

"Good teaching is one-forth preparation and three-fourths theater."
- Gail Godwin

"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small."
- Henry Kissinger

"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)

"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty."
- Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)

"Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
- Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
- Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

"I'm leaving so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
living apart."
- e e cummings (1894-1962)

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other
bastard die for his."
- General George Patton (1885-1945)

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking."
- Katherine Cebrian

"I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it."
- Steven Wright

"Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure."
- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)

"I have read your book and much like it."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

"The cover of this book are too far apart."
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My
opinion is that they don't
stifle enough of them."
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)

"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."
- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)

"A poem is never finished, only abandoned."
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)

"Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end."
- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)

"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)

"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."
- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)

"No Sane man will dance."
- Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

"Hell is a half-filled auditorium."
- Robert Frost (1874-1963)

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)

"Vote early and vote often."
- Al Capone (1899-1947)

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"Few things are harder to put up with than a good example."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

"Hell is other people."
- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)

"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate."
- Thomas Jones

"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word
alone."
- Al Capone (1899-1947)

>From larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Fri Jul 14 10:41:35 1995
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Date: Fri, 14 Jul 1995 09:41:34 -0500
Subject: Silly Quotes-Overwhelmed (Post 3 of 3)
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, change@mindspring.com,
management-research@mailbase.ac.uk, QUALITY@PUCC.PRINCETON.EDU,
TQM-L@UKANVM.CC.UKANS.EDU, TRDEV-L@PSUVM.PSU.EDU,
HRD-L@MIZZOU1.MISSOURI.EDU
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Dear People,

I have been overwhelmed by the request for copies of the Silly Quotes
Summary (over 600 requests to date), so I have decided to simply post the
summary in a 3-part email.

******************* WARNING *******************

The summary is uncut and unsensored! There may be some words or quotes
that an individual may find vulgar or sexist. If you feel you may be one
of these people, DELETE NOW! DON'T SET YOURSELF UP TO BE OFFENDED.
PRACTICE SAFE E-MAIL. USE THE V-CHIP. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED IF YOU INSIST
ON READING THE SUMMARY.

I apologise in advance for clogging up the mailers of those uninterested
parties. Feel free to flame me at the above address. I hope the summary
will provide some Friday chuckles for those who requested it. If you are a
glutton for punishment and this summary is not enough, check out the web
site:

http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor__Jokes__and_Fun/

at the very bottom of this site is a link called: Index - Humorous
Quotations, here you will find about 50 pages worth of humorous quotes.

And now...for the moment you've all been waiting for (or at least many of you)

THE SILLY QUOTES SUMMARY
Part 3 of 3

"The gods too are fond of a joke."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard

"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man."
- Professor Scott Elledge on his retirement from Cornell

"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people
in America. If I'm not
there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben

"The cynics are right nine times out of ten."
- H. L. Menchen (1880-1956)

"There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from
any man, and one
of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"Attention to health is life greatest hindrance."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)

"Hemingway was a jerk."
- Harold Robbins

"Assassins!"
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra

"How can I lose to such an idiot?"
- A shout from chessmaster Aaron Nimzovich (1886-1935)

"Give me a museum and I'll fill it."
- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

"Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
- Ross MacDonald (1915-1983)

"Men have become the tools of their tools."
- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

"It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant."
- Richard J. Ferris, president of United Airlines

"I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television."
- Gore Vidal

"Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other
alternatives."
- Abba Eban

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
- Fred Allen (1894-1956)

"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take."
- Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

"Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research."
- Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

"Why don't you write books people can read?"
- Nora Joyce to her husband James (1882-1941)

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers."
- T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)

"Criticism is prejudice made plausible."
- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

"It is better to be quotable than to be honest."
- Tom Stoppard

"Never mistake motion for action."
- Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)

"Hell is paved with good samaritans."
- William M. Holden

"The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and
that all the pains that I
have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

"Silence is argument carried out by other means."
- Ernesto "Che" Guevara (1928-1967)

"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned Nor hell a fury like a
woman scorned"
- William Shakespear

"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted."
- Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century."
- Perelman

"There is a country is Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal."
- Sigfried Hulzer

"Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done."
- Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855) to his maid when she informed him that
his wife is dying

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the
opportunity in every
difficulty."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943

"I think it would be a good idea.
- Mahatma Ghandi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing."
- Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!"
- Will Rogers

Some people wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head
* If in doubt, mumble
* Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. * A
chicken is merely an egg's way of creating another egg. * A penny for your
thoughts, 20$ to act them out. * Dead is still dead whether or not you call
it "Called to meet his/her maker". * Never use a long word when a
diminutive one will do. * Everyone's entitled to my opinion.
* Don't make me use uppercase.
* All flames gratefully accepted; I learn new words everyday!

MONEY RELATED:
* All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy. * Markets are
efficient only because some of us believe they are not. * OK, maybe money
can't buy love but it puts you in a great barging position. * Non-linear
dynamics is like non-elephant zoology. * Euphemisms for an overheated
market: Buy and hold for the long-term. * Sure it's overvalued, but it'll
become even more overvalued. * The Jewish dilemma: free ham.
* What this nation needs is a one-handed economist.

INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS:
* Yeah, I know; but someone has to do it. * There is a Tomorrow. Why
worrying today. * Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well. * Our
policy is, when in doubt, do the right (hand side) thing. * There's no
enough time to do it right, besides we could always to do it over.

DISCLAIMERS:
* All opinions are mine except those that I don't have access to yet. *
Disclaimer: My words speak for themselves.

OTHER INTERESTING THINGS:
* $10 for labor and $1000 for knowing where to use the hammer. * Maximally
aggrandize them to their full magnificent greatness. * Sell frozen bananas
at fairs and carnivals. * Give me a glass of your wine and I'll be
internally grapeful. * Women fake orgasms because men fake foreplay. *
"Okay, wise guy, -- said one goldfish to the other --
if there's no God, who changes the water?"

Due to economic cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been
temporarily switched off

When a woman is reaching her sexual peak, her husband is discovering he has
a favourite chair

To the man who has only a hammer, everything looks like a nail

Life is what happens while you're making other plans

For Larry, let me share two quotes from a guy I worked with for several
years- died early from cancer, but kept his humor, and vitality, til the
end with a wealth of jokes at the ready.
"We may not be accurate, but we're slow!"
"Sure, there's a difference between wisdom and stupidity.
You can sometimes determine the limits of a man's wisdom."

HAGBOE - Half Assed Guess Based On Estimates
Never try to teach a pig to sing. You'll frustrate yourself and piss off
the pig.

Finally, in the tradition of offending the max number of people possibe,
here's an oldie:
RELIGIOUS VIEWS OF LIFE
TAOISM: shit happens
BUDDHISM: if shit happens, it really isn't shit
ZEN: what is the sound of shit happening
ISLAM: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah
CATHOLICISM: if shit happens, you deserve it
JUDAISM: why does this shit always happen to us?
AGNOSTICISM: what is this shit?
RASTAFARIANISM: this is really good shit, man

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' while you find a rock" - Will
Rodgers (ouch that's cold...)

Gloria Steinman on why she has never married: "I can't mate in captivity"

"Freedom is good, but control is better" - Lenin

Darker than the inside of a cow.

Sprayed all over, like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Faster than organizing an in-breeding in the Ozarks.

"That girl had more hands up her dress than a muppet!"

This is not ecactly a quote, but I have always found it useful to refer to
a particularly dense person as a "sack of ignorance" or as an "abyss of
unknowing".

"Its like trying to teach a pig to sing. It is a waste of your time and
aggravates the pig."

Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most.

- that's a truism for most of us in academe

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Mad enough to kick a pig barefoot.

DEU - Defective End User

In response to Larry Dodge's request for silly quotes, the world is full of
them. Two of my favorites come from Lilly Tomlin:

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat!"

and

"All my life I said I wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should
have been more specific."

Here is a batch I picked up from the internet:

>Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
>Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Give me ambiguity
>or give me something else. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what
>you've got! We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
>Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. The secret of the universe is
>@*&^^^ NO CARRIER Did anyone see my lost carrier?
>Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. I'm not a
>complete idiot, some parts are missing! He who laughs last thinks slowest!
>Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. "More hay,
>Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" A flashlight is a case for
>holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
>Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue. There's too much blood in my
>caffeine system. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. I
>wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Learn from your parents'
>mistakes - use birth control! Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays
>off now. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. I won't
>rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it. Ever notice how fast
>Windows runs? Neither did I. Double your drive space - delete Windows!
>What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free? Assassins do it from
>behind.
>If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam
>down my clothes." Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere
>may be happy. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Oops. My
>brain just hit a bad sector.
>I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. Don't take life too
>seriously, you won't get out alive. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy
>every minute of it. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a
>lot. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. When there's a will, I
>want to be in it. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? Few
>women admit their age. Few men act theirs. I'm as confused as a baby in a
>topless bar. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? All
>generalizations are false, including this one. Change is inevitable,
>except from a vending machine. C program run. C program crash. C
>programmer quit. "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

>That's no harder than sort'n bobcats in a burning barn <

>About as much fun as a polk in the eye with a sharp stick <

>You can't run away from trouble - ain't no place that far <

>BS walks while money talks <

>Deal crys the losers while the winners tell jokes <

>About like trying to polk butter up a bobcats but with a hot
ice pick <

>Defination of About right:

If it was any worst I could'nt drink (or what ever ) it If it was any
better you would not a given it to me. <

Have you ever wondered what the world would be like without rhetorical
questions?

Anyone have a synomym for "thesaurus"?

The only difference between a dead dog in the road and dead consultant in
the road is that there are skid marks in front of the dog.

"I heard you twice the first time."

A well-adjusted person is one who can play golf as though it were a game.

You tell me how you're going to measure me...I'll tell you how I'm going to
perform (Eli Goldratt)

Time is the most valuable resource...it is the only one that can not be
recovered. (Henry Ford - 1928)

Some companies have more money than brains.

Some executives should be executed, managers managed, supervisors
supervised and employees employed.

Most leaders who want the biggest changes, won't change themselves.

Most people who want change, want it in YOU.

What gets to computer e-mail people the most? After they send you something
on e-mail, call them and ask them to send you a hard copy.

The more things change, the less they improve.

"Everybody line up alphetically, according to your height."

"It's deja vu all over again"

"You can observe a lot by watching"

"The secret of managing is to keep those that hate you away from those who
are still undecided"

And my all time favorite:
"But I never inhaled"

Hi & many thanks for Friday afternoon laughs, Larry. Buy the paperback book
"Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On!" by Texas Bix Bender (subtitle: A Cowboy's
Guide To Life) which has some great sayings primarily for western themes or
audiences (besides the title, one of my favorites is "Speak Your Mind But
Ride A Fast Horse."

Slicker than deer guts on a doorknob!
and the ever popular
Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs! not to mention
Busier than a one-armed paperhanger!...

I had every intention of getting that famous self-help book "The Power of
Positive Thinking" but then thought, "What the hell good would that do?"

The most important difference between academia and business is: In
business, it's dog eat dog. In academia, it's just the opposite.

Never become irritable waiting for things to get better. If you'll be
patient, you'll find you can wait much faster.

Faced with the choice of changing one's mind or proving that there is no
need to do so, most of us get busy on the proof (John Kenneth Galbraith).

Keep laughin'; it beats cryin' in my book.

Thanks, Larry. I don't have any to add, except perhaps Tennessee Earnie
Ford's old line:

"God willing and the creek don't rise."

And I'd love a copy of the collection when its compiled.

Thanks for brightening up a Friday afternoon.

Here are a couple my colleague shared with me:

If it looks like shit and smells like shit, it must be shit. (Don't try to
dress it up to make it look better)

He/She couldn't find their butt with a map, a stick and a flash light.

If it's as difficult as pulling teeth through an elephants ass, then the
approach needs to be reevaluated.

Sorry for all the swearing (of course, I don't normally swear...)

good luck!

here is one of my favorites:

Trying to "..................." is like herding cats.

You fill in the appropriate phrase for the situation.

Hi Larry,
Thanks for adding such a great touch to a tedious Friday. At the moment I
really do have that many silly quotes--but I'll work on it. I hope you plan
to post to the list or will at least send me a copy. I need the humor.
Did you hear about the two men who walked into the bar? Wouldn't you think
the second man would have ducked?
When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Trouble with
burning a candle at both ends is you always get caught in the middle.
You can't kill time without injuring eternity. It's nice to be important
but it's more important to be nice. See I told you I needed some humor in
my life. I well try to come up with some silly quotes and get back to you.
Keep me in mind. bonita, University of Maine

How 'bout this one? Post it in a prominent place in your office!

RATE SCHEDULE:

Answers...............................$1.00 Answers which require
thought.........$2.00 Correct Answers.......................$4.00

Dumb looks are still free

>One Line Signatures from the Internet

>Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. Daddy, why doesn't
>this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Give me ambiguity or give me
>something else. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
>We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Pentiums melt in
>your PC, not in your hand. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
>The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER Did anyone see my lost carrier?
>Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. I'm not a
>complete idiot, some parts are missing! He who laughs last thinks slowest!
>Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. "More hay,
>Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!" A flashlight is a case for
>holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
>Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue. There's too much blood in my
>caffeine system. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
>Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! Hard work has a
>future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Friends help you move. Real friends
>help you move bodies. I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over
>to it. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Double your drive
>space - delete Windows! What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
>Assassins do it from behind.
>"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Consciousness: that
>annoying time between naps. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
>I used to have a handle on life, then it broke. Don't take life too
>seriously, you won't get out alive. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy
>every minute of it. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a
>cigarette. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. The
>gene pool could use a little chlorine. When there's a will, I want to be
>in it. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? Few women admit
>their age. Few men act theirs. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
>We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? All generalizations
>are false, including this one. Change is inevitable, except from a vending
>machine. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. "Criminal
>Lawyer" is a redundancy.

Hey Larry!

How about my grandmother's favorite:

"He's as soft as a sneaker full of shit!"

Thanks for the fun message.

If you can understand this - you need a career change.

Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on me.

After me you come first.

When I feel the need for your advice - I'll quit.

You are what you eat. How long have you been using kennel ration?

Hah! I knew you were here. I saw your broom outside.

Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk.

The only good trojan (USC) is a used one.

Wiley Post obviously never met you.

Never ASSUME anything. It can make an ASS out of U and ME.

would like a summary......one of my favorites by Peter Senge
The easy way out usually leads back in.........

>From Bob_Walker@smtplink.medcom.amedd.army.mil Fri Jul 14 12:12:54 1995
Received: from hcssa.e-mail.amedd.army.mil by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231)
id MAA12969; Fri, 14 Jul 1995 12:11:17 -0400
From: <Bob_Walker@smtplink.medcom.amedd.army.mil>
Received: from SMTPLINK.MEDCOM.AMEDD.ARMY.MIL
by host.hcssa.e-mail.amedd.army.mil id aa17239; 14 Jul 95 8:13 CDT
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id AA805734940; Fri, 14 Jul 95 08:13:45 CST
Date: Fri, 14 Jul 95 08:13:45 CST
Encoding: 13 Text
Message-Id: <9506148057.AA805734940@smtplink.medcom.amedd.army.mil>
To: BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, HIM-L@fiona.umsmed.edu,
HEALTHRE@UKCC.UKY.edu
Subject: BPR Prayer

This little prayer was provided by a friend. Sorry I did not notice
the typos on the first post.

- Lord help me to change those things that I can not accept and do
not make good sense.

- Lord help me to accept those changes for the better that are made
by others and those things that I can not or should not change.

- Lord help me to hide the bodies of those I kill for not accepting
the changes I have recommended.

Robert G. Walker, CSI-IIE

>From congregg@iol.ie Mon Jul 17 13:07:17 1995
Received: from joyce.iol.ie by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231)
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Mon, 17 Jul 1995 18:05:38 +0100
Message-Id: <199507171705.SAA22224@joyce.iol.ie>
X-Sender: congregg@gpo.iol.ie
X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Version 1.4.4
Mime-Version: 1.0
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Date: Mon, 17 Jul 1995 18:01:28 +0100
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: congregg@iol.ie (Con Gregg)
Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 60

Hi - Just taking you up on your kind offer of accepting flames.
Mine is one of the readers you clogged.

Con

>Date: Fri, 14 Jul 1995 09:39:38 -0500
>From: <larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu>
>To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, change@mindspring.com,
>Subject: Silly Quotes-Overwhelmed (Post 1 of 3)
>Message-ID: <v01520d03ac2be0272790@[129.237.179.240]>
>
>Dear People,
>
>I have been overwhelmed by the request for copies of the Silly Quotes
>Summary (over 600 requests to date), so I have decided to simply post the
>summary in a 3-part email.
>
>******************* WARNING *******************
>
>The summary is uncut and unsensored! There may be some words or quotes
>that an individual may find vulgar or sexist. If you feel you may be one
>of these people, DELETE NOW! DON'T SET YOURSELF UP TO BE OFFENDED.
>PRACTICE SAFE E-MAIL. USE THE V-CHIP. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED IF YOU INSIST
>ON READING THE SUMMARY.
>
>
>I apologise in advance for clogging up the mailers of those uninterested
>parties. Feel free to flame me at the above address. I hope the summary
>will provide some Friday chuckles for those who requested it. If you are a
>glutton for punishment and this summary is not enough, check out the web
>site:
>
> http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor__Jokes__and_Fun/
>
>at the very bottom of this site is a link called: Index - Humorous
>Quotations, here you will find about 50 pages worth of humorous quotes.
>
>And now...for the moment you've all been waiting for (or at least many of you)
>
>
> THE SILLY QUOTES SUMMARY
> Part 1 of 3
>
>
>
>He/she was on me like a duck on a junebug He/She couldn't hit a bull in the
>ass with a shotgun Does a bear shit in the woods? {as a rhetorical response
>to an obviously true rhetorical question}
>
>If a ram is called a lamb, and
>a Mule is called an ass,
>then why is a ram in the ass a goose?
>
>Lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut.
>
>Never squat with your spurs on.
>
>(After hitting a long ball on the golf course) Wow! I don't go that far on
>vacation.
>
>Lower than whale poop.
>
>As useless as a solar powered pacemaker.
>
>It was so cold out that there were dogs frozen to trees.
>
>I'm looking forward to seeing your entire collection.
>
>All I can say is you're very sincere, because who would act as an arshole?
>
>As much use as a handbrake in a canoe
>
>I can tell you are lying - your lips are moving
>
>What is the difference between an attrative woman and a proctologist?
>- a proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time
>
>You're acting like a nappy - always on my ass and full of shit
>
>
>Dumb? - he thinks the English Channel is on cable TV!
>
>What's he like? - how can I explain him? - his dog dislikes him.
>
>
>What was the first thing Adam said to Eve? - stand back - I don't know how
>big this thing gets!
>
>Stupid? He wanted to be a farmer - so he studied pharmacy
>
>
>He talks with this mouth full and his head empty.
>
>Humans are the best value in computers -- where else can you get a
>non-linear computer weighing only about 160lbs, having a billion binary
>decision elements, that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour?
>
>If you are keeping your head while others around you are losing theirs,
>perhaps you've misunderstood the whole situation.
>
>"Ever since I was a kid, I've always been a real deep thinker and stuff"
>Billy Ray Cyrus
>
>Any significant boost in technology could just as easily be a rigged demo.
>
>"They said Galileo was a fool. They said Einstein was a fool. They said the
>Wright Brothers were fools. What you've got to remember, however, is that
>they also said that about a lot of fools."
>
>"A fanatic is someone who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
>Winston Churchill
>
>As Einstein himself said, "". Well, he's dead, sure. But if he were alive,
>that would translate to "I'm right, shut up."
>Wubba
>
>The Laws of Thermodynamics, Paraphrased
>
>1. You can not get anything without working for it. 2. The best you can
>ever hope for through working is breaking even. 3. You can only break even
>at absolute zero.
>
>"There are two kinds of fool. One says, 'This is old, and therefore good.'
>And one says, 'This is new, and therefore better.'"
>Dean Inge
>
>"Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it..."
>
>"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting
>than the question of whether a submarine can swim"
>Edsgar W. Dijkstra
>
>All I want from Life is to get out alive...
>
>"...reality was once a primitive method of crowd control that got out of hand"
>Jane Wagner
>
>The greatest sign of intelligent life in the universe is the fact that they
>have not yet tried to contact us.
>
>MILLIHELEN: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
>
>"Old MacDonald had a farm, e i e i o e"
>Quayle singing "Old MacDonald"
>
>Deep Thoughts
>By Jack Handey
>
>Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several
>of us died of tuberculosis.
>
>Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself:
>"Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and
>"ind".
>What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
>
>I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just
>go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
>
>It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
>
>I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and
>we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."
>
>I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they
>don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when
>some body comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
>
>The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
>
>Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and
>bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth.
>But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
>
>I'd rather be rich than stupid.
>
>If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up
>to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to
>say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."
>
>If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming
>and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a
>coward.
>
>I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is
>the story of Popeye.
>
>When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever
>press charges.
>
>To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and
>the dancers hit each other.
>
>What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a
>solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
>
>We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
>personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
>
>Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking
>surface attached to the end of a long stick.
>
>I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free.
>To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing
>up, is not what I call hospitality.
>
>To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where
>this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a
>clown killed my dad.
>
>As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
>pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
>
>Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted
>brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look
>like a deer.
>
>If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We
>might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
>
>Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out
>when you're coming home his face might burn up.
>
>You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people
>happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
>
>Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself
>down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person
>comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A
>jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that
>says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
>
>If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right
>back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
>
>If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the
>students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.
>
>If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll
>look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
>
>I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you
>can really see it in those genitals.
>
>Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and
>the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that
>thing.
>
>He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a
>woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated.
>Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people
>laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others,
>"I'll be
>waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."
>
>The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I
>remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive
>and
>drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The
>smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played.
>I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not,
>and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
>
>If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God
>is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is
>"Probably because of something you did."
>
>Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not
>the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an
elephant's
>back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
>
>As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it
>should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her
>suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke
>-
>just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!
>
>One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my
>little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out
>warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried,
>but I
>think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive
>over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.
>
>If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked
>dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's
>Hambone.
>
>Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her
>dinner tasted like.
>
>We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't
>be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in
>town.
>
>I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we
>could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
>
>As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought
>back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named
>him Flint.
>
>If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
>embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
>
>Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct
>is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then
>it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
>
>If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all
>watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
>
>When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all
>go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It
wasn't
>until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
>
>Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
>
>Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
>
>3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
>
>Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
>
>Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
>
>...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
>
>A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
>
>For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
>
>I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
>
>The beatings will continue until morale improves.
>
>I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
>
>Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
>
>Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
>
>Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
>
>I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
>
>Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>
>A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
>
>I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
>
>Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
>
>If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
>
>Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
>
>Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
>
>If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
>
>If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
>
>If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
>
>Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
>
>It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
>
>Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
>
>Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
>
>Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
>
>Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
>
>Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
>
>Do witches run spell checkers?
>
>Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
>
>Dain bramaged.
>
>Department of Redundancy Department
>
>What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
>
>Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
>
>1 + 1 = 3 for sufficient quantities of 1. Computers make very fast, very
>accurate mistakes.
>
>Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
>
>My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
>
>Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
>
>Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
>
>Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
>
>.. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
>
>Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
>
>A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
>
>An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
>
>Does fuzzy logic tickle?
>
>24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
>
>Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
>
>All computers wait at the same speed.
>
>DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
>
>Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
>
>Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
>
>ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
>
>Hit any user to continue.
>
>Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
>
>Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
>
>Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!
>
>'tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
>
>There is no tyranny in the state of confusion.
>
>No girdle ever cured a pregnancy
>
>Freedom defined is freedom denied.
>
>Paradise is just like where you are right now, only much better. LAURIE
>ANDERSON ("Language is a virus")
>
>Egotism is the drug that soothes the pain of stupidity.
>
>Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
>
>I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
>these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
>kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
>I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
>avoiding the beach.
>LUCINDA CHILDS (PHILIP GLASS: EINSTEIN ON THE BEACH)
>
>Nothing is true. Everything is permitted. HASSAN I SABBAH
>
>Dont let your mouth write no check that your tail cant cash. BO DIDDLEY
>
>The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite
>of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. NIELS BOHR
>
>Just because everything is different doesnt mean anything has changed.
>SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORACLE
>
>The most merciful thing in the world ... is the inability of the human mind
>to correlate all its contents.
>H P LOVECRAFT
>
>The most merciless thing in the world ... is the inability of the human
>mind to correlate all its contents.
>H P LOVECRAFT
>
>When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one Ive never
>tried before.
>MAE WEST
>
>Her life was saved by rock and roll.
>LOU REED
>
>I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
>oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
>commerce.
>J EDGAR HOOVER
>
>Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeprody I would never had
>lit one.
>MAXIM OF THE HELLS ANGELS
>
>It is a rather pleasent experience to be alone in a bank at night. WILLIE
SUTTON
>
>The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs. KARL MARX
>If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ...
>it would have been much better.
>KARL MARX'S MOTHER
>
>If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
>shopping center in the world?
>RICHARD M NIXON
>
>When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on
>Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality. AL CAPONE
>
>Anything anybody can say about America is true. EMMETT GROGAN
>
>If youve seen one city slum, youve seen them all. SPIRO AGNEW
>
>If youve seen one redwood, youve seen them all. RONALD REAGAN
>
>Use it up ... Wear it out.
>Make it do ... Or do without.
>US WORLD WAR II MESSAGE
>
>You cant underestimate the power of fear. TRICIA NIXON
>
>The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
>WAVY GRAVY
>
>The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. BUCKMINSTER FULLER
>
>Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. DWIGHT D
>EISENHOWER
>
>You smash it - and Ill build around it.
>JOHN LENNON
>
>College isnt the place to go for ideas.
>HELLEN KELLER
>
>Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
>ARTHUR C CLARKE
>
>America, how can a write a holy litany in your silly mood? ALLEN GINSBERG
>
>It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to
>beat somebody.
>RICHARD M NIXON
>
>Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearence of magic.
>ARTHUR C CLARKE
>
>Justice is incidental to law and order.
>J EDGAR HOOVER
>
>Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX
>
>The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. ABBIE HOFFMAN
>
>Here I am, fifty-eight, and I still dont know what I want to be when I grow up.
>PETER DRUCKER
>
>How can you be two places at once when youre not anywhere at all? FIRESIGN
>THEATER
>
>I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. OSCAR
WILDE
>
>We are what we pretend to be.
>KURT VONNEGUT, JR
>
>We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. OSCAR WILDE
>
>My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior
>spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive
>with our frail and feeble mind.
>ALBERT EINSTEIN
>
>Real wealth can only increase.
>R BUCKMINSTER FULLER
>
>Anyone can hate. it costs to love.
>JOHN WILLIAMSON
>
>In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or
>becomes true.
>JOHN LILLY
>
>Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. GRAFFITI
>
>The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
>ALBERT EINSTEIN
>
>Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. TALLULAH BANKHEAD
>
>A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms. GEORGE WALD
>
>It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been
>always thus.
>DEAN LATTIMER
>
>Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas. KEN WEAVER
>
>We dont know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasnt a fish. JOHN
>CULKIN
>
>
>
>------------------------------
>
>Date: Fri, 14 Jul 1995 09:40:02 -0500
>From: <larryd@falcon.cc.ukans.edu>
>To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, change@mindspring.com,
>Subject: Silly Quotes-Overwhelmed (Post 2 of 3)
>Message-ID: <v01520d00ac2be7abeb92@[129.237.179.240]>
>
>Dear People,
>
>I have been overwhelmed by the request for copies of the Silly Quotes
>Summary (over 600 requests to date), so I have decided to simply post the
>summary in a 3-part email.
>
>******************* WARNING *******************
>
>The summary is uncut and unsensored! There may be some words or quotes
>that an individual may find vulgar or sexist. If you feel you may be one
>of these people, DELETE NOW! DON'T SET YOURSELF UP TO BE OFFENDED.
>PRACTICE SAFE E-MAIL. USE THE V-CHIP. KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED IF YOU INSIST
>ON READING THE SUMMARY.
>
>
>I apologise in advance for clogging up the mailers of those uninterested
>parties. Feel free to flame me at the above address. I hope the summary
>will provide some Friday chuckles for those who requested it. If you are a
>glutton for punishment and this summary is not enough, check out the web
>site:
>
> http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor__Jokes__and_Fun/
>
>at the very bottom of this site is a link called: Index - Humorous
>Quotations, here you will find about 50 pages worth of humorous quotes.
>
>And now...for the moment you've all been waiting for (or at least many of you)
>
>
> THE SILLY QUOTES SUMMARY
> Part 2 of 3
>
>
>I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been
>from you.
>ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
>By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely
>overwhelm me.
>ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT
>
>America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without
>civilization in between.
>OSCAR WILDE
>
>If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
>presumably flunk it.
>STANLEY GARN
>
>Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest
>men in national government too.
>RICHARD M NIXON
>
>We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. DWIGHT D EISENHOWER
>
>If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution
>inevitiable.
>JOHN F KENNEDY
>
>"Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it
>were so, it would be; but as it isnt, it aint. Thats logic." LEWIS CARROLL
>
>It takes a long time to understand nothing. EDWARD DAHLBERG
>
>To know the world one must construct it. CESARE PAVESE
>
>Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. BULLWINKLE MOOSE
>
>The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out. TENESSEE WILLIAMS
>
>An object never serves the same function as its image- or its name. RENE
>MAGRITTE
>
>All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya
>dont go lookin' for rutabagas.
>KINGFISH
>
>He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. M C ESCHER
>
>When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
>CALVIN COOLIDGE
>
>The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. PAUL ERLICH
>
>If A equals success, then the formula is:
>A= X + Y + Z
>X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. ALBERT EINSTEIN
>
>Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either.
>JOSEPH FISCHER
>
>The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. J PAUL GETTY
>
>Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. GILB'S LAW
>OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #1
>
>The only difference between the fool, and the criminal who attacks a system
>is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.
>GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #3
>
>Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the
>inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.
>GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #5
>
>The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system are the key
>to understanding the type of errors which they cannot handle.
>GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #6
>
>Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
>errors, which by definition are limited. GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY
>#7
>
>All real programs contain errors until proven otherwise - which is impossible.
>GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #8
>
>Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost
>of errors, or somebody insists on getting some useful work done.
>GILB'S LAW OF COMPUTER RELIABILITY #9
>
>Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters
>needs pounding.
>ABRAHAM KAPLAN
>
>The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems. ROGER LEVIAN
>
>Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
>ordinance under which you can be booked. ROBERT D SPRECHT (RAND CORP)
>
>Thoreau's Law:
>If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good,
>you should run for your life.
>
>Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance. CONFUCIUS
>
>It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
>MARK TWAIN
>
>The unnatural, that too is natural.
>GOETHE
>
>I used to be indecisive; now Im not sure. GRAFFITI
>
>I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didnt like it. SAMUEL GOLDWYN
>
>He hasn't one redeeming vice.
>OSCAR WILDE
>
>I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. GRAFFITI
>
>Ketterling's Law:
>Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
>
>Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B', 'A' is
>most likely a scoundrel H. L. Mencken -
>
>The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the
>Christian Religion
>George Washington -
>
>In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
>- Thomas Jefferson -
>
>Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations
>- Thomas Jefferson -
>
>We must all hang together, or we will surely all hang separately
>- Benjamin Franklin -
>
>The Swartzberg Test:
>The validity of a science is its ability to predict.
>
>Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick
>himself up and carry on...
>- Winston Churchill -
>
>God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,
>and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and
>Saturday.
>- William Bragg -
>
>That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest
>- Thoreau -
>
>Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll
>believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have
>to touch it to be sure.
>
>Discovery consists in seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what
>no one else has thought.
>- Albert Szent-Gyorgi -
>
>Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not a harbor.
>- Toynbee -
>
>We have met the enemy and he is us
>- Walt Kelly (in POGO) -
>
>Ode to Turbulent Flow:
>Big whirls have little whirls
>Which feed on their velocity,
>And little whirls have lesser whirls
>And so on, to viscosity.
>
>There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them
>- Heisenberg -
>
>If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
>
>"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all
>you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else,
>you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
>Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
>
>The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. "Where shall I begin, please your
>Majesty ?" he asked. "Begin at the beginning,", the King said, very
>gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
>Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
>
>Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
>Albert Einstein
>
>How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere
>else.
>R. Buckminster Fuller
>
>I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a
>knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work.
>Gallagher
>
>Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
>Robert Heinlein
>
>None of the errors was found.
>Compiler message, Micro Data Base Systems
>
>.. if it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a
>Fact, proof is necessary.
>Samuel Clemens
>
>I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New
>England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must
>be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn
>how, in New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make
>weather for countries that require a good article, and will take their
>custom elsewhere if they don't get it.
>Mark Twain
>
>In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
>use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
>which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it
>mushy.
>Mark Twain
>
>The confidence of ignorance will always overcome the indecision of knowledge.
>
>Designed with your mind in mind by people who have in mind what you should
>have in mind.
>
>Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
>
>A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
>
>"We are getting into semantics again. If we use words, there is a very
>grave danger they will be misinterpreted."
>-- H. R. Haldeman, testifying in his own defense.
>
>Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
>
>America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one
>dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
>
>Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise
>

>From JCLOUTI@mtl.unisysgsg.com Mon Jul 17 15:13:25 1995
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From: "Cloutier, Jennifer @ MON" <JCLOUTI@mtl.unisysgsg.com>
To: BPR <BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>
Subject: Clogging up e-mail
Date: Mon, 17 Jul 95 15:10:00 EDT
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Since we're on the subject, I have noticed that far too often when someone
replies to an e-mail they include the original letter that they are replying
to. What a waste of disk space!

Jennifer
>From OWNERSHIP@aol.com Mon Jul 17 18:19:27 1995
Received: from mail04.mail.aol.com by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231)
id SAA23456; Mon, 17 Jul 1995 18:19:26 -0400
From: <OWNERSHIP@aol.com>
Received: by mail04.mail.aol.com
(1.37.109.11/16.2) id AA260159535; Mon, 17 Jul 1995 18:18:55 -0400
Date: Mon, 17 Jul 1995 18:18:55 -0400
Message-Id: <950717181827_116875536@aol.com>
To: BPRREENG-L@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
Subject: YOU'RE FIRED!

Soft-pedal it all you want by calling it a "reduction in force",
"downsizing", whatever. The fact is, you have heard these words, or will at
some point in the near future unless you take Ownership of your talents and
skills.

The workplace is changing faster than ever before in the history of mankind.
In order to fit in, you, I and everyone who works needs to become an expert
is what we do and find a way to partner with a company so we can both
succeed.

I've been in your shoes and have Coached a lot of people through the process
of identifying where they fit into the future workplace. Last fall, I put my
thoughts into a book entitled, The Unchained Worker.

Here is an overview of The Unchained Worker - Principles of Ownership in the
Workplace, and what people are saying about it.

Ownership inspires and motivates us to take action, to protect and improve
what's ours. We own our talents, experience and capabilities. When we put
them in partnership with a company, the future is ours to make........

What is Ownership? It's a new perspective for all of us to use when dealing
with our jobs. Ownership is a mind-set, an attitude that forces you to look
no further than yourself to secure your future in the workplace. It's the
catalyst for superior individual performance within companies. It provides a
common vocabulary for workers to excel as individuals. Ownership motivates
people to develop their talents and bolster individual performance. It puts
success in their hands..........

Table of Contents.
1. Take control of your future with Ownership
2. Ownership is a vocabulary for success.
3. Ownership is a problem solving tool.
4. Ownership exercises your brain.
5. Adjust your attitude for better performance.
6. Ownership starts with common sense.
7. Ownership is the workplace of the future.
8. Get work done more efficiently with Ownership
9. How Mis-applied responsibility holds you back.
10. Ownership in Action.
11. The principles that will guide your success.
12. Ownership is an Adventure
13. Ownership unleashes your performance.

The intended audience is everyone who works. There are 142 pages with plenty
of graphics and illustrations. It's about a 2 hour read total.

Here's what people are saying about The Unchained Worker: I've always
believed in the individual's desire to succeed. Creating the right
environment is the key. Ownership will work in any organization, Great stuff
- Dennis Erickson, Head Coach Seattle Seahawks. Inspirational! Fantastic!
What a wonderful book. It made me think about things I've never considered.
Thanks. - Staci Clevenger, Assembly line worker.

I want to wish you the very best of luck in your careers.
Jeffrey C. Petkevicius

Cybernetix Inc.
14817 N. Jennifer Ct.
Mead, WA 99021
(800) 517-4268
FAX: (509) 467-9573
Ownership@aol.com

>From congregg@iol.ie Tue Jul 18 07:40:27 1995
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Tue, 18 Jul 1995 12:40:18 +0100
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Date: Tue, 18 Jul 1995 12:36:00 +0100
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
From: congregg@iol.ie (Con Gregg)
Subject: Apologies

To the kind people who have pointed out the error of my ways,
and to all others on the list, apologies for clogging up your
mailboxes even more. I'll be more careful with my addressing
in future.

Con
(congregg@iol.ie)

>From dwatson@FLASH.LakeheadU.CA Tue Jul 18 13:59:53 1995
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Date: Tue, 18 Jul 1995 13:57:47 -0400 (EDT)
From: Don Watson - Comp Serv <dwatson@FLASH.LakeheadU.CA>
Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 62
In-reply-to: <199507181719.NAA26671@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>
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Could I suggest to Jeffrey Petkevicius that he provides
information for us on his book (publisher, ISBN #, etc.)?

Don Watson

>From shenoas@moose.gdss.grumman.com Tue Jul 18 15:21:02 1995
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Date: Tue, 18 Jul 1995 15:20:59 -0400
From: Ashok Shenolikar <shenoas@moose.gdss.grumman.com>
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>

>
>Since we're on the subject, I have noticed that far too often when someone
>replies to an e-mail they include the original letter that they are replying
>to. What a waste of disk space!
>
>Jennifer
The original letter or parts thereof (as I have done above) are included to
keep the context of the discussion. Many times people are not familiar with
the thread or you may want to answer to a specific point and hence include
the relevant part to which you are answering.

--
***********************************************************
*   ! ! ! ! ! !                
* Ashok Shenolikar              ! 2411 Dulles Corner Park             
* shenoas@herndon.grumman.com     Suite 800  
* (703) 713-4142                  Herndon, Virginia 22071
* Fax: (703) 713-4103          	                   		     
***********************************************************
>From WERTZCJ@SNYBUFAA.CS.SNYBUF.EDU  Tue Jul 18 19:47:01 1995
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 bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu; Tue, 18 Jul 1995 19:46:06 -0500 (EST)
Date: Tue, 18 Jul 1995 19:46:06 -0500 (EST)
From: "Charles J. Wertz" <WERTZCJ@SNYBUFAA.CS.SNYBUF.EDU>
Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 62
To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu
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>Since we're on the subject, I have noticed that far too often when someone >replies to an e-mail they include the original letter that they are replying >to. What a waste of disk space! > >Jennifer

I must comment. I read a lot of E-mail. As long as the included message is not too terribly long, it really helps to read things in context.

Charlie >From ajessup@electriciti.com Tue Jul 18 21:25:40 1995 Received: from powergrid.electriciti.com by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id VAA28732; Tue, 18 Jul 1995 21:25:39 -0400 Received: from [198.5.212.27] by powergrid.electriciti.com with smtp (Smail3.1.29.1 #3) id m0sYNw8-000HBtC; Tue, 18 Jul 95 18:28 PDT Message-Id: <v01520d00ac30fb36474c@[198.5.212.35]> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Date: Tue, 18 Jul 1995 18:24:44 -0700 To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu From: ajessup@electriciti.com (Amos Jessup) Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 61

Hello.

I joined the discussion a few days ago hoping to find some first hand experiences regarding the hazy hoopla surrounding BPR. The first day I got escited because the mail that came in was a digest covering three parts' worht; aha! sez I, here's a lot of data about this BPR! I was disgruntled to find it was a collection of one-line jokes, although they were valuable intheir own right and very funny in plces.

Then after a day's wait I thought at last I would learn some key views about BPR as I watched Eudora process another two-part article; only to find it was someone answering the joke posting and leaving the entire post intact in his reply!

Question to the group at large: has anyone experienced a serious BPR task of any size? If so would they be willing to talk about it? I'm anxious to discover how certain key hurdles were met and oivercome (or not). Has anyone ever undertasken a BPR project that did not succeed at achieving radical changes and order-of-magnitude improvements? Would you be willing to discuss it?

Are is this really comedy-club-l?

Amos Jessup San Diego, CA

>From johnp@embassy.res.rmit.edu.au Tue Jul 18 23:33:48 1995 Received: from voga.rmit.EDU.AU by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id XAA29028; Tue, 18 Jul 1995 23:33:46 -0400 Received: from EMBASSY.RES.RMIT.EDU.AU (resnet.res.rmit.EDU.AU) by voga.rmit.EDU.AU with SMTP id AA25396 (5.65c/IDA-1.5/qva1-oz for <bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>); Wed, 19 Jul 1995 13:33:04 +1000 Received: by EMBASSY.RES.RMIT.EDU.AU with Microsoft Mail id <300D6BF5@EMBASSY.RES.RMIT.EDU.AU>; Wed, 19 Jul 95 13:32:53 PDT From: John Purcell <johnp@rmit.edu.au> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Subject: Optical Scanning Devices Date: Wed, 19 Jul 95 15:42:00 PDT Message-Id: <300D6BF5@EMBASSY.RES.RMIT.EDU.AU> Encoding: 24 TEXT X-Mailer: Microsoft Mail V3.0

Does any-one know whether Universities are using optical scanning devices for input and data storage of records. ( ie: student records, financial records etc: )

If so, could those Universities relate their experiences ( both positive and negative ) in relation to the use of devices.

With thanks John Purcell

***************************************************

John Purcell Acting Director, Internal Audit Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology - University 124 LaTrobe Street, Melbourne. 3000. Victoria. AUSTRALIA

email: johnp@embassy.res.rmit.edu.au phone: 61-3-9-660-3940 fax: 61-3-9-660-3776

*************************************************** >From mullinsr@hq.hhmi.org Wed Jul 19 14:27:40 1995 Received: from sprucegoose.hhmi.org by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id OAA02554; Wed, 19 Jul 1995 14:27:39 -0400 Received: from hq.hhmi.org (hq.hhmi.org [192.239.66.239]) by sprucegoose.hhmi.org (8.6.12/8.6.12) with SMTP id OAA27919 for <bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>; Wed, 19 Jul 1995 14:25:24 -0400 Received: by hq.hhmi.org with Microsoft Mail id <300D52FA@hq.hhmi.org>; Wed, 19 Jul 95 14:46:18 EDT From: "Mullins, Robert" <mullinsr@hq.hhmi.org> To: bprreeng-l <bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu> Date: Wed, 19 Jul 95 14:31:00 EDT Message-ID: <300D52FA@hq.hhmi.org> Encoding: 2 TEXT X-Mailer: Microsoft Mail V3.0

review >From lap5z@poe.acc.virginia.edu Wed Jul 19 17:04:35 1995 Received: from virginia.edu by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id RAA06588; Wed, 19 Jul 1995 17:04:34 -0400 Received: by uvaarpa.virginia.edu id ab26451; 19 Jul 95 17:04 EDT Received: from poe.acc.virginia.edu by uvaarpa.virginia.edu id aa12913; 19 Jul 95 16:19 EDT Received: (from lap5z@localhost) by poe.acc.Virginia.EDU (8.6.10/8.6.6) id QAA93130 for bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu; Wed, 19 Jul 1995 16:18:59 -0400 From: "Laurie P. Kelsh" <lap5z@poe.acc.virginia.edu> Message-Id: <199507192018.QAA93130@poe.acc.Virginia.EDU> Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 63 To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Date: Wed, 19 Jul 95 16:18:59 EDT In-Reply-To: <199507191741.NAA02222@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu>; from "bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu" at Jul 19, 95 1:41 pm X-Mailer: PENELM [version 2.3.1 PL11]

John:

Several departments at the University of Virginia have implemented document imaging and workflow applications successfully. Human Resources processes all staff applications on-line; graduate arts and sciences does so for grad applications; and, Medical Records is using imaging for information storage and retrieval (although I am less familiar with this application). All three are using IBM's ImagePlus system. You may want to contact Tom Gausvik, chief Human Resource officer, (teg9c@Virginia.EDU) or Bob Huskey, assoc. dean of arts & sciences, (rjh9u@Virginia.EDU). Either of them would be happy to talk with you about hardware and software issues. In addition, you could contact our Digital Image Center. This would be more for academic applications, but they are doing great things and could probably give you some very practical advice. I don't have the address handy, but they are reachable via the University's home page.

In addition, I am investigating imaging options for our administrative offices as part of our re-engineering effort. We are just beginning a workflow analysis to see how imaging would enhance our work environment and we have talked briefly with reps from IBM (ImagePlus again) and Lotus Notes. I would be intersted in hearing from anyone out there who has practical experience with either of these products in an office setting.

Hope this helps...

Cheers,

Laurie P. Kelsh, Ph.D. Office of the Vice President for Management and Budget University of Virginia lap5z@Virginia.EDU (804)924-3349 (voice) (804)982-2770 (FAX) > > Date: Wed, 19 Jul 95 15:42:00 PDT > From: John Purcell <johnp@rmit.edu.au> > To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu > Subject: Optical Scanning Devices > Message-ID: <300D6BF5@EMBASSY.RES.RMIT.EDU.AU> > > Does any-one know whether Universities are using optical scanning devices > for input and data storage of records. ( ie: student records, financial > records etc: ) > > If so, could those Universities relate their experiences ( both positive and > negative ) in relation to the use of devices. > > With thanks > John Purcell > > *************************************************** > > John Purcell > Acting Director, Internal Audit > Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology - University > 124 LaTrobe Street, > Melbourne. 3000. Victoria. > AUSTRALIA > > email: johnp@embassy.res.rmit.edu.au > phone: 61-3-9-660-3940 > fax: 61-3-9-660-3776 > > *************************************************** > > ------------------------------ > > End of BPRREENG-L Digest 63 > *************************** >

>From LORIP@gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us Wed Jul 19 17:15:37 1995 Received: from gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id RAA06611; Wed, 19 Jul 1995 17:15:36 -0400 Received: from Domain_Administrative-Message_Server by gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us with Novell_GroupWise; Wed, 19 Jul 1995 14:14:18 -0800 Message-Id: <s00d133a.048@gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us> X-Mailer: Novell GroupWise 4.1 Date: Wed, 19 Jul 1995 14:14:03 -0800 From: Lori Pearce <LORIP@gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us> To: BPRREENG-L@LISTS.acs.ohio-state.edu Subject: Redesign

Hello,

My name is Lori Pearce and I work at Santa Barbara City College. We are currently undertaking a BPR project that includes not only the business processes of the college, but we are also including some instructional processes. We have titled our projects as REDESIGN projects and moved slightly away from the term Re-engineering. We are closely following the ideologies of Hammer. I belong to the Management Team for Redesign, which includes the President of the College, Dr. Peter MacDougall, Ana Wilson -Certificated Personnel Manager, Bill Hamre, Vice President of Information Resources, Janet Peterson -Faculty and myself - User Support Specialist III. We have a steering committee called the College Planning Council (CPC) that has spent several months selecting the processes, approving the methodologies and trying to fund the projects. We have two business processes that have completed the design stage and are currently in the Prototype stage. We have two Instructional teams in the design phase, and have planned an additional ten more teams throughout the next 10 months. We would love to share our experiences, and gather any help on prototype and implementation. Our biggest hurdle at the moment is changing the college culture to accept BPR and the funding of implementation of these projects. I have personally been on the first two teams, and would be more then willing to share that experience. Looking forward to hearing from others in the current BPR endeavor.

Lori Pearce

>From ajessup@electriciti.com Fri Jul 21 17:30:57 1995 Received: from powergrid.electriciti.com by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id RAA18047; Fri, 21 Jul 1995 17:30:54 -0400 Received: from [198.5.212.21] by powergrid.electriciti.com with smtp (Smail3.1.29.1 #3) id m0sZPiF-000H94C; Fri, 21 Jul 95 14:34 PDT Message-Id: <v01520d01ac35c98f7678@[198.5.212.56]> Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Date: Fri, 21 Jul 1995 14:30:35 -0700 To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu From: ajessup@electriciti.com (Amos Jessup) Subject: Re: How Do We Mitigate Reactions Against Change?

Survey of Success and Lack of Success in the Mitigation of Resistance to Change =====================***===================================

I would be ^extremely^ grateful if you have any experiential, anecdotal, or (especially) statistical data concerning the issues surrounding reaction against change in groups approaching the radical changes and major improvements which theoretically are part of good BPR.

Have you seen instances where BPR planning elicited responses in personnel of fear, anger, antagonistic postures, passively aggressive responses (pretended cooperation accompanied by veiled efforts to undermine), stress reactions or grief when contemplating the major changes implicit in BPR?

Have you seen approaches which successfully converted these reactions into voluntary, self-motivated participation, hopeful or positive contribution? If so, what processes succeeded in achieving such conversion?

Have you seen cases where efforts to resolve emotional reactions(rational or not) against change failed to bring about a resolution resulting in impeding the project, or making the reacting person's position untenable in the face of change? What happened?

What have you seen done that worked to allay or even convert fear, anger, suspicion and cynicism into some sort of acceptance or participation? What have you seen done that failed?

Thank you for taking the time to rake through your most telling memories in your experience with BPR and jot down a few descriptive passages.

A summary of findings will be available for anyone wishing to recieve one when the surtvey is complete. I appreciate your help.

Very best regards,

Amos H. Jessup National University San Diego, CA

>From VPT@aol.com Fri Jul 21 20:05:10 1995 Received: from mail04.mail.aol.com by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id UAA18694; Fri, 21 Jul 1995 20:05:09 -0400 From: <VPT@aol.com> Received: by mail04.mail.aol.com (1.37.109.16/16.2) id AA137171478; Fri, 21 Jul 1995 20:04:38 -0400 Date: Fri, 21 Jul 1995 20:04:38 -0400 Message-Id: <950721200418_37990907@aol.com> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 65

Too many managers view the effort as "getting on board with the boss" rather than as an effort to increase the value of everyone in the organization. Where employees view "re-engineering" as "i'm losing my job, their managers view this situation as "kiss and climb". Until we all understand that the effort is to make the total organization more effective and that we are all to be life students of change and growth, the hollow bullshit of most management will go unheard. Management must be the FIRST to really change if they expect cooperation from their team. I personally was "jacked around" by my "team leader" Mr. Clark Orr, principal of Orr Safety Equipment Co. for over 15 years.

The result of his real philosophy of " keep them in the dark and feed them bullshit" failed because of his lack of real commitment to his employees. Most if not all of the really good people including me have left his employ over the last 4 years because they were not as stupid as he treated them

" Monkey see monkey do, you bull shit me, 'llI bull shit you!"

I left. I now run an organization I helped to build of over 50 employees and over 3 million is revenue per year this year.This was accomplished Iin four years by 15 employees doing $500,000 in 1991 .

His organizationin comparison, is damn near on the blocks because he did not believe in his people and really understand the purpose and direction of the change neccessary to accomplish his mission. Can success spoil Rock Hudson? You bet your ass! 15 years ago Orr Safety was a $1,500,000 operation with 23 employees and profitable to the present 250 employees, and on the brink of disaster!

Take care of your people, respect them, trust them and above all do not treat them like mushrooms! If you follow this advise you will succeed!

Vic P. Thacker

>From LORIP@gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us Sat Jul 22 18:22:04 1995 Received: from gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id SAA20311; Sat, 22 Jul 1995 18:22:02 -0400 Received: from Domain_Administrative-Message_Server by gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us with Novell_GroupWise; Sat, 22 Jul 1995 15:20:43 -0800 Message-Id: <s011174b.069@gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us> X-Mailer: Novell GroupWise 4.1 Date: Sat, 22 Jul 1995 15:20:27 -0800 From: Lori Pearce <LORIP@gate1.sbcc.cc.ca.us> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Subject: BPRREENG-L digest 66 -Reply

I am on vacation until tuesday, Aug. 15th. Your mail will stay in my mailbox until I get back. Should you need immediate attention to your mail request, send it directly to the user HELPDESK.

Aloha!!

Lori

>From O.Weiss@cranfield.ac.uk Mon Jul 24 08:31:00 1995 Received: from calisto.ccc.cranfield.ac.uk by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id IAA23367; Mon, 24 Jul 1995 08:30:51 -0400 Received: from crhub.ccc.cranfield.ac.uk by calisto with SMTP (PP); Mon, 24 Jul 1995 13:28:38 +0100 Received: by crhub.ccc.cranfield.ac.uk (MX V4.1 AXP) id 17; Mon, 24 Jul 1995 13:28:10 GMT Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 13:28:10 GMT From: "Oscar F.J.F. Weiss" <O.Weiss@cranfield.ac.uk> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Message-ID: <00993D51.C88DEEB0.17@crhub.ccc.cranfield.ac.uk> Subject: Pilots and Prototyping

Hello everybody,

I am looking into the different phases of process reengineering. Piloting a change process is one of the phases identified.

Up to now I have not been able to find or come up with a good definition of a pilot. Very often 'piloting' is used for testing a new way of working in change projects in general and 'prototyping' specifically for testing a new way of working for IT-projects. However, a clear difference does not seem to exist.

I would appreciate it if anybody could help me: - With a definition of a pilot and what it entails in the context of process reengineering, - With a definition of prototyping and what it entails in the context of process reengineering.

Thank you for helping me. If requested I shall forward my findings to the mailbase.

This message has been posted to several different mailbases. My apologies for cluttering your mailbox to those who receive this more than once.

Oscar

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sender: Oscar Weiss Information Systems Research Centre Cranfield School of Management Cranfield University Tel: +44 (0)1234 751122 Bedford MK43 0AL Fax: +44 (0)1234 751806 United Kingdom Email: O.Weiss@Cranfield.AC.UK ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >From clarkjr@MIT.EDU Tue Jul 25 11:41:41 1995 Received: from MIT.EDU by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id LAA29457; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 11:41:40 -0400 Received: from AUDIT-MAC-28.MIT.EDU by MIT.EDU with SMTP id AA26635; Tue, 25 Jul 95 11:41:29 EDT Message-Id: <9507251541.AA26635@MIT.EDU> Date: Tue, 25 Jul 95 11:46:39 -500 From: clarkjr@MIT.EDU (Rob Clark) To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Subject: measuring benefits of reengineering

I have recently been assigned the challenging role of coordinating the measurement of benefits derived from our extensive reengineering efforts. I am interested in any available information that might aid me in this -- e.g., best practices, lessons learned from other projects, templates and models, informative readings, etc., etc.

Are there kind souls reading in here who might be able to direct me to some good sources? Thanks in advance! I will be happy to share insights from this endeavor as I go along.

--Rob Clark

=== === === ========= ================================================ | \/ | | | |__ ___| * Rob Clark, Jr., CIA clarkjr@mit.edu * | | | | | | * Audit Manager voice: (617) 253-4136 * | I\/I | | | | | * MIT fax: (617) 252-1606 * | | | | | | | | * 77 Mass. Ave., Room E19-655 * | | | | | | | | * Cambridge, MA 02139-4307 * === === === === ================================================ >From dwatson@FLASH.LakeheadU.CA Tue Jul 25 15:52:14 1995 Received: from THINK2.LAKEHEADU.CA by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id PAA00671; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:52:13 -0400 Received: from flash.LakeheadU.Ca by THINK2.LAKEHEADU.CA (PMDF V4.3-10 #6489) id <01HTAJQ4PESW8ZDZAK@THINK2.LAKEHEADU.CA>; Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:51:41 -0400 (EDT) Received: by flash.LakeheadU.Ca (4.1/SMI-3.0DEV3) id AA26158; Tue, 25 Jul 95 15:51:51 EDT Date: Tue, 25 Jul 1995 15:47:40 -0400 (EDT) From: Don Watson - Comp Serv <dwatson@FLASH.LakeheadU.CA> Subject: Organizational Structure To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Message-id: <Pine.3.05.9507251540.A21880-c100000@flash.LakeheadU.Ca> MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT

I would be very interested to see comment to this list on what follows below. Since I have posted it to two lists, I apologize to anyone who is on the same two and gets it twice!

Don Watson

HORIZONTAL VERSUS VERTICAL ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURE

Are organizations changing their structure to build it around processes or are they not? Consultants and many organizations claim that they are; however, an article in the Business Section of the 9th July British newspaper the Observer ("Improve your horizontal hold") reports on a survey of 70 North American and European companies carried out by the Boston Consulting Group. It quotes: "there are no great horizontal organizations ... nor are there likely to be any. Much of what people call 'the horizontal organization' or 'organizing around processes' isn't. What is really happening is the modification of traditional structures to make process management easier ... Functions don't go away. They play vital roles.

The article also states: "As many things fall between the gaps in processes as ever did between the vertical functions .... dynamic balance is always needed between vertical and horizontal interests." This matches the categorization in "The Object Advantage" (Ivar Jacobson, Addison Wesley, 1994) of management into horizontal Process Owners with money but no resources and vertical Resource Owners with resources but no money - a structure well suited to consultants.

In Process Innovation (Harvard Business School Press, 1993), Thomas Davenport states that the most appropriate scope for processes is such that an organization has between 10 and 20 of them. He lists those of IBM, Xerox and British Telecom. Jacobson also describes "use cases" in his own company, which seem like processes. The verbs used in these process names seem to naturally group into 7 subcategories:

A. What Jacobson calls the Business Process Layer - processes that directly engage the customer:

1. Developing/Maintaining/Researching/Procuring/Designing/ Engineering the products. 2. Delivering/Supplying/Producing/Providing/Integrating the products. 3. Selling to/Engaging/Fulfilling the customer. 4. Supporting/Serving/Maintaining for the customer. 5. Marketing the organization and its products.

Note: If each of these categories applies to (say) two products groups (for example, teaching and research in a University), ten processes are generated.

B. What Jacobson calls the Support Layer:

6. Managing/Directing/Planning/Selecting/Budgeting/Goal Setting all organizational entities and resources. 7. Operating/Handling/Collecting/Capturing/Analyzing entities such as Infrastructure, Logistics, Standards, Information, Products, Markets, Feedback, Technology.

The first 5 categories then look remarkably like:

1. The Research and Development department. 2. The Production department. 3. The Sales department. 4. The Maintenance department. 5. The Marketing department.

Perhaps it is true that the old vertical structures are still in place, but modified to make process management easier. Clearly their straight edges are being made fuzzy and their height is being shortened by such factors as cross functional teams, networks and technology. Perhaps the horizontal process (project) side of the organization hasn't yet won the battle against the vertical resource side because: * Making the changes is slow. * Only part of the needed technology is on the market.

Any comments?

>From SLK8@OAS.PSU.EDU Wed Jul 26 09:34:47 1995 Received: from OAS.PSU.EDU by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id JAA02971; Wed, 26 Jul 1995 09:34:36 -0400 Message-Id: <199507261334.JAA02971@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu> Received: from OAS.PSU.EDU by OAS.PSU.EDU (IBM MVS SMTP V2R2.1) with BSMTP id 0430; Wed, 26 Jul 95 09:31:52 EDT Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 09:07 EDT To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, *@OAS.PSU.EDU From: SLK8@OAS.PSU.EDU (KREISER.STEPHEN) Subject: Measuring Benefits of BPR

In response to Rob Clark's request for measuring benefits of BPR, I wanted to pass along a few ideas. First, some good background reading would be some of the books on "Costs of Quality". I don't do alot of reading on these topics, but ASQC publishes a number of books explaining it. In a nutshell, the costs of implementing any improvement strategy can be divided into four categories: 1. Prevention Costs (e.g. automation, planning) 2. Appraisal Costs (e.g. auditing, inspection, measurement) 3. Internal Failure costs (scrap, rework, repair) 4. External Failure costs (liability, warranty, lost sales)

My typing efficiency prevents me from going into too much detail here, but the books will tell you that if you can measure all of these during an improvement effort, you will have to bear the costs of 1 and 2, but that the result will be a reduction in 3 and 4. Over time, the sum of all costs will be lower than 3 and 4 alone used to be. I can tell you from experience that these systems are difficult and costly to implement in Industry even when alot of data is easily obtainable. They become more costly in business situation where data is less readily available. I would still recommend this reading because it provides a good background in the theory and you can adapt from there. Now for a more practical approach - I've been working at Penn State for 7 years as an Industrial Engineer and have been adapting alot of industry practices to administrative processes and organizations. Before we embark on ANY improvement strategy, we determine costs for the processes using either rough time studies, activity based cost estimates from those involved, or othermeans appropriate for the situation. We try to quantify the costs of rework, scrap, non-value added activities, or activities that may be ripe for automation BEFORE we choose the improvement approach to be sure that the cost of our approach will be covered by the benefits of improvement. (In effect, we are initiating a cost of quality "snapshot" prior to choosing our improvement approach). Certain departments have had outside BPR consultants come in and offer to completely redesign a process at enormous costs, but they couldn't tell you what the resulting savings would be until AFTER they were finished (and paid). Incidentally, one of these processes had been benchmarked extensively and known to be one of the most efficient one of its kind in the country. Why would we pay to have it completely redesigned? I guess I'm getting a little carried away here.... Anyway Rob, our(*) approach is cost out our opportunities before we start so that we can advise our internal clients on the best approach for improving the effectiveness OR efficiency of their processes. This approach may or may not be BPR. From my perspective, choosong BPR prior to the analysis is like going to a doctor and requesting a specific surgery before he's made any diagnosis. Call me if you want some more specifics...

Steve Kreiser, IE Coordinator of Management Engineering 814-863-4315 Penn State University

(*) Management Engineering is an internal consulting group that serves all areas of PSU. "Our approach" refers to Management Engineering, and not Penn State's as a whole >From BULLO004@mc.duke.edu Thu Jul 27 16:52:28 1995 Received: from DUKEMC.MC.DUKE.EDU by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id QAA08569; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 16:52:26 -0400 From: <BULLO004@mc.duke.edu> Received: from ccmail.duke.edu by mc.duke.edu (PMDF V4.3-13 #8531) id <01HTDEFKTF400046U7@mc.duke.edu>; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 16:52:00 -0400 (EDT) Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 16:46 -0400 (EDT) Subject: Procurement--Question--Duke University To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Message-id: <01HTDEFKXFS20046U7@mc.duke.edu> MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT

I'm involved in a reengineering project of the University's and Medical Center's procurement process. I'm interested in identifying what other institutions have tackled this area. Could you respond back to me and let me know what you're doing in this area? Also, have you done any benchmarking with other educational, patient care, and corporate entities? If so, could you share the information you've gathered and provide me with the names & phone numbers of some entities that I could call. Thanks for the help. Gail Bullock Duke University Administrative Services 402 Oregon St. Rm. 110 Durham, NC 27708 919-681-7529 bullo004@mc.duke.edu >From bkelland@navatar.ca Thu Jul 27 19:26:13 1995 Received: from nic.wat.hookup.net by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id TAA09368; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 19:26:12 -0400 Received: from navatar.ott.hookup.net (navatar.ott.hookup.net [165.154.16.25]) by nic.wat.hookup.net (8.6.12/1.16) with SMTP id TAA02179; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 19:26:18 -0400 Message-Id: <199507272326.TAA02179@nic.wat.hookup.net> X-Sender: navatar@ott.hookup.net X-Mailer: Windows Eudora Version 1.4.4 Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 19:18:32 -0400 To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu From: bkelland@navatar.ca (Bob Kelland) Subject: BPRing Procurement Processes

> I'm involved in a reengineering project of the University's > and Medical Center's procurement process. I'm interested in > identifying what other institutions have tackled this area. > Could you respond back to me and let me know what you're > doing in this area? Also, have you done any benchmarking > with other educational, patient care, and corporate > entities? If so, could you share the information you've > gathered and provide me with the names & phone numbers of > some entities that I could call. Thanks for the help. > > Gail;

We currently are involved in the reengineering of all procurement processes (internal and exteranl contracting) for the Department of National Defence in Canada. This project is in the implementation phase. The scope: 11,000 people, $4B annual procurement including capital, O&M and consulting servies. If you would like to discuss or share info, contact me directly. Bob Kelland Navatar Ltd. Ph: (613) 725-2073 Fax: (613) 725-2689

>From n.jackson@qut.edu.au Thu Jul 27 23:57:44 1995 Received: from MELIA.QUT.EDU.AU by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id XAA09988; Thu, 27 Jul 1995 23:57:32 -0400 Received: from pigeon.qut.edu.au by melia.qut.edu.au (PMDF V4.3-13 #8718) id <01HTEMM6QX4G90OH3W@melia.qut.edu.au>; Fri, 28 Jul 1995 13:57:11 +1000 Received: by pigeon.qut.edu.au; (5.65/1.1.8.2/27Jul94-0551PM) id AA14032; Fri, 28 Jul 1995 13:55:19 +1000 Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 13:55:19 +1000 From: n.jackson@qut.edu.au (Narda Jackson) Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 71 To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Message-id: <9507280355.AA14032@pigeon.qut.edu.au> X-Envelope-to: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu MIME-version: 1.0 X-Mailer: <Windows Eudora Version 2.0.2> Content-type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT

> BPRREENG-L Digest 71 > >Topics covered in this issue include: > > 1) Procurement--Question--Duke University > by <BULLO004@mc.duke.edu> > >---------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Date: Thu, 27 Jul 1995 16:46 -0400 (EDT) >From: <BULLO004@mc.duke.edu> >To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu >Subject: Procurement--Question--Duke University >Message-ID: <01HTDEFKXFS20046U7@mc.duke.edu> > > > I'm involved in a reengineering project of the University's > and Medical Center's procurement process. I'm interested in > identifying what other institutions have tackled this area. > Could you respond back to me and let me know what you're > doing in this area? Also, have you done any benchmarking > with other educational, patient care, and corporate > entities? If so, could you share the information you've > gathered and provide me with the names & phone numbers of > some entities that I could call. Thanks for the help. > > We are involved in a project refining the service pathway of a client using C & H services. Services through the Counselling and Health Offices based on Queensland University of Technology Campus's are available to Students and Staff of the University. Services are available to help students and staff with career,health, counselling, learning skills or financial matters. > >The project to date has specifically focused on the Health Services, that is the Doctors and nurses services . In defining the critical elements >of the given clinical pathways, we have been redesigning processes to eliminate >unnecessary complexities or problems identified in the path where necessary. >This has been useful in enhancing workflows, administrative processes and >developing service evaluation tools. We have mapping the pathways >specifically of Health care services (ie: health consultation accounts, >medical descriptors and statistical data collection) but are interested also >in the areas of career and employment services or International student >consultation. I have prepared a manual to assist staff starting in the service. Summarising procedures. If you are interested in sharing your experiences or you if can provide some leads to comparative research , we would like to hear from you. We are looking at benchworking options at the moment and I have applied for a grant to visit other Australia Universities to examine their processes. >

Gail Bullock > Duke University > Administrative Services > 402 Oregon St. > Rm. 110 > Durham, NC 27708 > 919-681-7529 > bullo004@mc.duke.edu

> >------------------------------ > >End of BPRREENG-L Digest 71 >*************************** > >

Narda Jackson B.A.(Behav Sci), M.Bus (Comm) Development Co-ordinator Department of Counselling and Health Queensland University of Technology 29 School Street Kelvin Grove Road Queensland 4059

Fax (07)356 5133 Tel:(07)8645972

>From mfu@aiai.ed.ac.uk Mon Jul 31 06:57:53 1995 Received: from haymarket.ed.ac.uk by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id GAA18211; Mon, 31 Jul 1995 06:57:50 -0400 Received: from aiai.ed.ac.uk (skye-alter.aiai.ed.ac.uk [192.41.104.6]) by haymarket.ed.ac.uk (8.6.10/8.6.10) with SMTP id LAA10522; Mon, 31 Jul 1995 11:57:01 +0100 From: Mike Uschold <mfu@aiai.ed.ac.uk> Received: from subnode.aiai.ed.ac.uk (bute) by aiai.ed.ac.uk; Mon, 31 Jul 95 11:55:58 BST Date: Mon, 31 Jul 95 11:55:57 BST Message-Id: <8388.9507311055@subnode.aiai.ed.ac.uk> To: all-iceimt@einet.net, bpr@mailbase.ac.uk, bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu, enterprise@aiai.ed.ac.uk, ontolingua@HPP.Stanford.EDU Subject: Enterprise Ontology now available

The Ontology from the Enterprise Project in the UK (IBM, Logica, Llyods Register, Unilever and AIAI) has now been made publicly available.

A natural language description is available via: http://www.aiai.ed.ac.uk/~entprise/

Code in KIF/Ontolingua is being produced and will be released at a future date.

At the end of this message, there is a brief summary of the main sections, concepts and terms that comprise the Enterprise Ontology.

This announcement is being sent to a number of mailing lists; apologies if you get it twice. If you think there are other lists where this should be sent to, to avoid multiple postings, PLEASE TELL ME, and I will post it there.

Thank you,

Mike Uschold, AI Applications Institute, INTERNET: M.Uschold@ed.ac.uk The University of Edinburgh, Tel: (031) 650 2732 80 South Bridge, Edinburgh EH1 1HN Fax: 650-6513 Scotland WWW: http://www.aiai.ed.ac.uk/ =============================================================================

ACTIVITIES and PROCESSES:

The central term is Activity. This is intended to capture the notion of anything that involves doing, in particular including action. The concept of Activity is closely linked with the idea of the Doer, which may be a Person, Organisational-Unit or Machine. These terms are defined in the Organisation section and may collectively be referred to as Actor s. The ability to be the Doer of an Activity is denoted by Capability (or Skill if the Doer is a Person). Actors may have other Roles in respect of an Activity such as Activity-Owner.

Also closely related to Activity is Resource, which is something used or consumed in an Activity. An Activity can also have outputs or Effects. An Activity is linked to a Time-Interval, which is defined in the Time section. An Activity may be large and complex and take a long time. This may be represented as composition of many Sub-Activity s.

An Activity can obviously have happened in the past and may be happening in the present. The term can also be used to refer to a hypothetical future Activity. However, there is a need to refer explicitly to specifications or plans for Activities. This is provided by the term Activity-Spec. An Activity-Spec specifies at some level of detail one or more possible Activities. If the Activity-Spec has an Intended-Purpose, it is called a Plan. The concept of repeatability of an Activity or Plan is captured in the term Process-Specification.

Control of doing of Activities is important to enterprises. This is provided by the Relationship Hold-Authority denoting that an Actor has the right to perform the Activities as specified in an Activity-Spec.

ORGANISATION:

Central to the Organisation section are concepts of Legal-Entity and ORGANISATIONAL UNIT (abbreviated as OU). Both of these refer to things which have a `gestalt' whether they are individual or composite. They differ in that a Legal-Entity is recognised as having rights and responsibilities in the world at large and by legal jurisdictions in particular, whereas Organisational-Unit need only have full recognition within an organisation.

Legal-Entity includes Person and Corporation. Larger Legal-Entities may wholly own other smaller Legal-Entities. An Organisational-Unit may be large and complex, even transcending Legal-Entities. Large OUs will normally be seen as being made up from smaller ones. The smallest may correspond to a single Person, in fact a particular Person could be seen as corresponding with more than one small OU.

A Machine is a non-human, non- Legal-Entity that may play certain Roles otherwise played by a Person or Ou (e.g. perform an Activity).

The Ownership of rights and responsibilities may only, from the legal point of view, lie with a Legal-Entity. Within an organisation, rights and responsibilities for Resources may be allocated to OUs. Therefore Ownership is defined to include this, with Legal-Ownership and Non-Legal-Ownership defined to enable the distinction where needed. OUs may be responsible for Activities.

Within an organisation the management structure is represented by Management Links. The term Manage represents assigning Purposes to OUs. An Organisational Structure will be defined as a pattern of Management Links between OUs. This can include multiple Management Links into any one OU with constraints on the different type of Purposes assigned through each link.

STRATEGY:

The central concept of the Strategy section is Purpose. Purpose captures the idea either of something which a PLAN can HELP ACHIEVE or that an ORGANISATION UNIT can be responsible for. In fact it includes any kind of PURPOSE, whether on a level of organisation and time scale which will normally be called strategic, or detailed and short term.

Like an OU, a Purpose can be composed or decomposed. That is, one statement of Purpose may relate to something which can also be seen to Help-Achieve some grander Purpose. By this means, a spectrum of widely used terms like Vision, Mission, Goal, and Objective can be represented without there being shared agreement on precisely how these terms are used.

Strategy is defined as a Plan to Achieve a high-level Purpose. Based on the concept of PLAN from the Activity section, the concepts key to Strategic Planning can be represented with the terms Decision, Assumption, Risk, and various types of Factor.

MARKETING:

The central concept of the Marketing section is Sale. A Sale is an agreement between two Legal-Entities for the exchange of a Product for a Sale-Price. Normally the Product is a good or service and the Sale-Price is monetary, however other possibilities are included. The Legal-Entities play the (usually distinct) Roles of Vendor and Customer. A Sale can have been agreed in the past, and a future Potential-Sale can be envisaged, whether or not the actual Product can be identified, or even exists.

The Market is all Sales and Potential Sales within a scope of interest. The Market may include Sales by Competitors. The Market may be decomposed into Market Segments in many ways in many levels of detail. This can be done by any properties of the Product, Vendor, Customer, Sale-Price or of anything else associated with a Sale. These properties are Segmentation-Variables.

Analysis of a Market may involve understanding of Features of Products, Needs of Customers, and Images of Brands, Products, or Vendors. Promotions are Activities whose Purposes relate to the Image in a Market. >From VPT@aol.com Mon Jul 31 08:46:38 1995 Received: from mail02.mail.aol.com by lists.acs.ohio-state.edu (8.6.11/5.901231) id IAA18554; Mon, 31 Jul 1995 08:46:38 -0400 From: <VPT@aol.com> Received: by mail02.mail.aol.com (1.37.109.16/16.2) id AA068834767; Mon, 31 Jul 1995 08:46:07 -0400 Date: Mon, 31 Jul 1995 08:46:07 -0400 Message-Id: <950731084605_44478822@aol.com> To: bprreeng-l@lists.acs.ohio-state.edu Subject: Re: BPRREENG-L digest 73

give it up - get a real job! ------------------------------ Cut here ------------------------------